Tuesday Q & A with Slave allan

My OCD feels that we should assign a specific day to be Q & A day. My awareness of my schedule suggests this will prove to be a silly idea. But let's try anyway. What day? Monday is my most favorite day of the week. Monday is for list making, and starting new projects. Mondays are for my thoughts. Monday will not be the day. Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week. It's a muggle day, very little probability of magic on a Tuesday. Wednesday is the first day of the weekend. Packing typically happens on Wednesday. Thursday is for travel. Friday and Saturday are for parties. Sunday, also know as Pre-Monday, is for aftercare, reflecting on a great week and preparing for Monday. I see it, let's try to elevate poor Tuesday. Tuesday will be for questions with slave allan. Just created the auto-post for this entry, this Tuesday is the last day of July. My quirky tendencies are happy with this, and to give it a little magic boost to kick off I scheduled it to post at 11:11. Make a wish, you're welcome.   
The last Q&A slave allan sent me had 3 questions. You'll notice there is only one here. slave allan is great at coming up with ideas for questions but they don't always fit my style or what I want to focus on at the time. Note to self: give allan some clearer directions for how to choose topics. 

slave allan: It's summertime let's daydream a bit. You have collared your dream
slave. You want to escape with said slave to have your way with him or her as you start their training. Where did you escape to and what isinvolved in that slave's training? 

Mistress Cassidy: There you go again slave allan- suppose you could do anything you wanted, anywhere you wanted, what work would you want to do? I'm mostly teasing, but being a top to a real human is an investment of time and energy. It is work. Work I love, work that I identify as my calling, but it is work nonetheless. Even when we move past the blurry lines between what I do for a living and what I do in my personal dynamics, even when we are firmly in the this is my personal dynamic realm, it is still a position I take seriously. A new slave (and for the record in my personal life one who identifies as a slave would not likely be terribly compatible with me. I require my partner level playmates to have opinions, to have personality, to embrace their submission and to proactively wish to give it to me) back on track, no matter how dreamy this bottom may be, a new playmate and vacation do not really go together in my mind. I do not have my way with my subs privately or professionally. Ideally I have their way in a way that I very much enjoy. The getting to know a sub happens long before I offer them my collar, especially in a personal dynamic.   

Let's take this in another direction entirely. At this time I am more or less single. I have no interest in vanilla dating and no interest in a new personal dynamic with males. I wish to be vanilla-single for the foreseeable future. Before this current round of singleness, I have been single for a grand total of 20 months since I was 13. Nineteen months of which happened in 2000-2001 when my other adult relationship of much significance ended.There are things I wish to do, goals I have set and ideas I want to explore for myself, by myself. Yet as into me as I intend to be, I am as far as I know, human. I do enjoy the company of other adult humans and from time to time, and I may require a bit more than their conversation. So let's try describe the person I would wish to spend time with while I explore my singleness. I would like to meet a submissive or more bottom-than-top switch of a woman. They would enjoy being pampered as much as they enjoyed serving. They would have a moderate to heavy pain tolerance or being willing to build to one. Articulate, and verbose, but equally able to be quiet & listen. Self-confidence that borders or ever so gently crosses the line into arrogant. I have a weakness for arrogance, it must be reality based and it must be slight, but I do enjoy someone who knows they are special. Independent, self-sufficient but maybe cling just a little bit during a thunderstorm or scary movie. It would probably be best if she currently or has ever worked in the adult industry and that it was a positive experience for her. I am so over explaining to other feminist in the vanilla world that I am not exploited, that I love what I do, that the adult industry has been liberating, empowering and wonderful to me. It would be best if we were on the same page in that area. I like indulging kittens, puppies, little/middles, but my preference is a princess like myself. I'll sound so narcissistic saying this, but the more a person reminds me of myself the more attractive I tend to find them. They should identify as poly/non-mono, but truthfully I would probably prefer that they not have another relationship of significance. I do not mean to sound selfish, but I am newly navigating poly myself. The first year didn't quite unfold as I had anticipated and I just don't have the patience for ever expanding rings of partners and partners of partners. I am over the never ending let's talk about our feelings, again. Oh did that read like I feel exploring polyamory was a mistake? That isn't what I meant. It should have conveyed that while I am certain that I am 'poly' I am equally certain that I am meant to be mostly single while I learn what style of non-monogamy is right for me. Casually dating others, while able to demonstrate that they value their safety and health as much as I value my own, would work for me. A schedule that somehow matches my own bizarre schedule that completely lacks rhyme or reason so that we may spend a day together often and an occasional weekend away. 
Now to try to bring it back to your questions allan; once I got to know my new princess, when I knew if she liked exhibitionist play (I do hope she does), when I knew if thuddy or stingy was her preference, and when I knew all the spots that bring her to her knees, I'd put a sparkly collar on my prize and bring her anywhere in the world she wished to go. 

Be sure to check out slave allan's blog too: https://slaveallan68.blogspot.com/2018/07/i-wager.html

Family and Community

Just over a month ago I was part of a conversation that included the statement, “My family will always come before the lifestyle.” It was a painful conversation. I tend to rapid fire, to have the quick comeback waiting to be hurled, and even more so when I am upset. I was able to partially temper my response. I was not able to stop myself from a request I continue to regret, but I was able to stop myself from making an untrue statement. I almost said of course your family comes first, water is wet, everyone's family comes before the lifestyle, my family comes before the lifestyle. But really that simply isn't true. I have mentioned that I have children here before, and of course they come before the lifestyle, my job, and my personal play. They come before anything and anyone on the planet. But taking them out of the equation because they have no place in it, the lifestyle is my everything else. The lifestyle is my art, my work, my downtime, my community and the regulars in my local scene, they are my family. 

A friend of mine, who agreed with and echoed my feelings, challenged me to explore that statement further. He gave me the standard, if over-used, if your actual sister and Mistress X both needed you, what would you do? I have an amazing relationship with my actual sister. I prayed for her to come into existence for the first 10 years of my life. We have never argued, we have never fought and I have never forgotten to be grateful for her existence. I have known Mistress X for less than a year, but she is my sister. My kitten, Hazey, calls her mommy. Around 2am on any given Sunday you will find Mistress X and I on the back porch of Twizted Acres discussing the progress our shared prodigy is making. We compare strategies for balancing our vanilla and scene lives. As experienced players in the scene, we have shared our thoughts on what our responsibilities are to new explorers, and what our accountability is to our community. While I never prayed to have Mistress X come into my life, I am blessed that she did. She is my sister. If my biological sister and Mistress X needed a thing from me at the same time, the only viable solution would be to assess which one's need was more urgent so I might resolve one and then give my attention to the other. Do I feel that way about everyone in my local scene? Of course not, but neither do I feel about all of my biological relations the way I do about my sister. Mistress X is my peer, my equal, please don't make me say what I would do if Hazey and my sister needed a thing from me at the same moment. 

I have witnessed some things in the past few months I feel compelled to speak on, yet I hesitate because protecting the privacy of others is very important to me. I do not wish to spread gossip, nor do I wish to fan flames that in many cases are finally beginning to die down. But the scene is my everything else, and I do feel I hold a responsibility to protect it and preserve it. So rather than share the stories, let me just share the takeaways. 

• BDSM is not all call me Master/Mistress and do as you're told. 
• BDSM 101: if there isn't consent, it is abuse. That statement applies equally to the way we talk to each other as it does to the way we touch each other. 
• We call this play, but we need to recognize that we are each real humans, with real feelings and we sometimes bring to our play real baggage that needs to be unpacked and that is work. 
• Subs can be manipulative and abusive too. Expecting things from your top that you have been told is not available is manipulative. Consenting to things that you do not wish to do, is abusive. 
• One should think long and hard before asking to be released. One should never asked to be released as a way of testing their top's devotion. 
• No matter the circumstance, if a top recognizes it is time to end a dynamic or has been asked to do so, the top is obligated to do so with kindness, grace and gratitude. No matter what. 
• When you recognize you have made a mistake, make amends, seek council in your peers if needed and ask for forgiveness from whomever you have wronged- no matter your station or your title. 
• Your interpersonal skills are more important than how well you swing a flogger or how many whacks of a rod you can withstand. 
• You should invest in, maintain and value your reputation more than your gear bag. 

If you claim to be anything in the scene other than a newbie setting out to explore, these concepts or similar should be part of your core ethics no matter what side of the flogger you enjoy.

If you are player in the scene, you are part of a family. My family, our family, even if you are that distant cousin that we only see at the big events. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to be all out, and not everyone wishes to be out. That's OK. The scene is our home, and those of us who are out, we hold your space when you aren't here.  If you play responsibly, and ethically, no matter your kink and no matter how infrequently you visit, I will have your back. If you lie, if you put others at risk I will call you out and you will be asked to leave no matter how frequently you visit, no matter what title you claim. This is our home, you will not disrespect it.  

Mistress Cassidy's New Contract

Until recently I wasn't especially attracted to formal contracts. Until I wish to offer a sub a collar there is no reason whatsoever to create one for professional sessions. And with subs that transition from clients to collared by the time I am offering them my collar we have already established the ground rules that guide our dynamic. I may jot them down or truthfully I have on a few occasions tasked my sub with writing what they understood the expectations to be and I simply correct any mistakes and sign off on what they have presented me. I do love to write, but overly formal, wordy, micro-managing is just not a hot button for me. I had never been terribly impressed with what I saw in other's contracts either, slave will suck my dick on demand. Well I lack the appendage and I am not a big fan of demands in either direction. I much prefer my personal subbies long for me, and beg for me. Collared subbies that came via the professional route are never, ever going to be allowed to suck my anything and they are well aware of that limit before accepting my collar. I came across a contract that I really appreciated though. I no longer recall where, so unfortunately I can not credit the creator. Other than the first line of the bottoms guidelines, this is not a copy of that contract. What I liked was that the requirements for the sub focused on the well-being of the sub, not how the sub was expected to serve. The responsibilities of the top were more clearly defined in my opinion than those for the bottom. I want a sub who seeks my collar to know exactly how I conduct myself. I want them to know my style, my preferences and to recognize that what I give them is a significant piece of my life and my energy. If this is not what they seek, if they simply want to be told that they will perform on demand, I am not the right dominant for them. 

So this is the blue-print for my new contract. It will be augmented to reflect the specifics of the bottom it is edited for, but I had two bottoms I in mind when I wrote it. With my upcoming move, my intention to essentially live in two states that are separated by 600 miles, I wish to find the best among the submissives that currently serve me informally and to transition them into collared positions. For my plans to go smoothly I will require the devotion and dedication that comes from a committed sub. I will print no more than 9 copies in the next year, and  I may print less. But I suspect 3 subs in Massachusetts, 3 subs in Virginia and 3 virtual subbies is what I will require. I will continue to see newbies, and uncollared subs, but my focus will be on and my attention will be given to those who serve me formally.   

Mistress Cassidy V. Cream recognizes that your skills, attitude and general demeanor is pleasing to her and does wish to extend a formal offer of my collar to you. I wish for you to be my _________, and I will refer to you as__________at community events and in private. As my _________ you will be expected to follow the following rules at all times, to the best of your ability. You will without hesitation disclose any infractions immediately. 

1. Each morning you will state a thing you like about yourself. It should be an original thought each day. At any time I may ask you what your statement was that day, you should be prepared to disclose it.
2. You will check-in once per week via_____ on _____day. At which time you will update me on any projects we are working on, your schedule for the following week and you will share one statement that you used the previous week. 
3. You will disclose to me your fantasies, your hopes, and your goals. Both as they are currently, and ongoing as they change. 
4. You will refrain from self-harm, and negative internal chatter. If this proves to be difficult for you, you will bring it to my attention so we may develop a strategy to address it.  
5. You will disclose your fears, concerns, and limitations. Including but not limited to hard limits, phobias, medical conditions and the state of your emotional well-being. Again this will be both as the are currently and as needed should they change. 
6. You will protect yourself in and out of scenes. You will, to the best of your ability, avoid toxic people, and unsafe situations. 
7. You will use your safe word of ______ in scenes as needed, without fear of repercussion, at any time for any reason. You are trusted and encouraged to know your limits, to know when you are ready to push on them and when to hold firmly to them.  
8. You are my property and I expect you to maintain yourself in a manner that reflects the value I recognize in you. 
9. When I am in _______ you will be available to me ___________. I will use ______ to contact you. You are expected to acknowledge my messages within _______., to carry out any task that I may ask of you or to ask for additional time if needed. 
10. When I am away, in my absence you will be expected to continue with all rules listed, to complete any on-going projects or tasks. And to communicate with me via _______, _________.
11. In an emergency in my absence you are to contact ________ via__________ and to heed her advice as if it were mine. 
12.  At scene events and in private you are to refer to me as _________, In vanilla public settings and around muggles, you may simply call me Cassidy. Your overall demeanor at these times should reflect your respect and affection for me, but I do not expect you to out yourself. 
13. If ever you do not understand the instructions I have given you, you may respectfully ask for "clarity" and expect that I will clarify my instructions without frustration.

As your ___________ you are my property and you will be treated with the utmost respect and care. I place the highest value on my belongings. The following are my promises and responsibilities to you. 

1. I will guide you through your experiences in submission with love and affection. 
2. I will not withhold affection or attention as a form of punishment.
3. I will never strike you or otherwise cause you pain out of anger or frustration. I do not hurt people out of malice, I hurt people because I enjoy it. 
4. I will be available to you for after care in whatever form best matches your needs immediately after all scenes and as needed in the days that follow. 
5. I will include you in community events that I deem appropriate for you. I will give you clear expectations for any event we attend.
6. I will reply to your messages within 24 hours, in the event of an emergency and an emergency only you may contact me via _________. An emergency is to be understood to mean that you are in immediate risk of harm or have sustained an injury of significance. 
7. Should I come to be disappointed in your behavior it will be addressed quickly, kindly, using precise language, examples of the behavior and with clear instructions with how I expect it to be remedied. I do not expect my submissives to be mind readers and I would never intentionally set you up to fail.
8.  When I feel our dynamic has reached it's natural end or should you seek to be released from my ownership, I will release you with kindness, grace and gratitude. I will maintain your privacy and my respect for you until the end of time. 

Pleasure is My Birthright

That was a gift from a client recently, the mantra I used as the title above. One of my go to mantras is Abundance is my birthright, so when this subbie uttered his, it clicked for me and has stuck since. Pleasure is my birthright. This was a unique session, and no, Mistress does not typically make her subbies chant and gaze at their navels in her sessions. Yet the universe gives me these gifts; like a sub who came wishing to experience magic instead of handing off a checklist of requests. And no, you will not be hearing more about that session, I respect my sub's privacy and if you wish to experience voyeurism you can talk to me about arranging a video session or a double with my Hazey. If you wish to experience magic, bring me something interesting. Are you interesting? 

I am such a tease, but that is why you are here, isn't it?

How many recent entries talk about things changing? How many entries aren't here because I have been so busy in the real world that time at the keys just hasn't happened? How many times have I said I am planning a thing, and then followed up with a thing isn't happening? Perhaps to me it feels like it has happened more than it has, there are so many entries sitting on my dashboard unfinished.

The past few months have been a season of growth. Oh look how we can use language to turn something painful, challenging, and gut-retching into a thing that sounds positive, maybe even beautiful. Growth is both, a caterpillar turns into a liquefied mess of goo before it turns into a butterfly, you just don't see that because it happens in the chrysalis. I bet that hurts.

There have been many false starts in the recent past. Ideas that spoke to me, seemed promising, seemed right & best for me, but yet when I tried to make them happen, there was only a mess of goo & no butterfly emerged. I am usually OK with this. As a creative, entrepreneurial-minded, kind of person, I totally get some ideas just won't work. Sometimes it is timing. Sometimes it is resources. Sometimes it is just a bad idea. Move on, throw the next thing on the drawing board and here's the important part, try not to take it personally. Try not to let the disappointment of one failed idea infect the next one, or worse cause you to stop looking for the next one. For almost a year now it has seemed that in every corner of my universe every idea, every thing, was just going to turn to goo no matter how much energy I infused it with. I tapped myself dry over and over again. I believe I give my subs great advice. I take opportunities to mentor so seriously. Perhaps occasionally I can hear my own advice? Sometimes things just don't work out, don't take it personally. Who knows why, and who cares? Unless there is an opportunity to learn a thing in the failed thing, move on.

Pleasure is my birthright.

More than my birthright. Providing, and receiving pleasure is my life. Please do not degrade what I mean here with an idea that I am using pleasure as a euphemism for sex. I have told you before, I do not engage in anything as pedestrian as- well you know what I said. Fantasy fulfillment dispenser, when that slipped from my lips I saw my head on a Pez dispenser.

A phoenix becomes all ragged, is consumed by fire that burns to ashes, and then reemerges more magnificent than what it was before. I bet that hurts even more than goo. A phoenix, like me, is a fantasy. Or at least that is what the muggles believe.

Pleasure is my birthright.

I have checked off so many items in my fantasy Rolodex. Some came so early in my life. I wished to own a pet store, checked that off at 23. There's a big one, won't share the specifics here but checked that off at 15. Highway roulette, get in my car & drive until an exit sounds interesting and go see what's there. That was a game I coined a month after I got my license. My favorite thing about being a dancer was the vibe in the dressing room. It is not sexy by the way. It is tension filled, it is the smell of dozens of perfumes & cosmetics, nerves and bravado. Twenty, check. My fantasies have little to do with the old in and out. My fantasies are alchemy. My fantasies are experiences. I date boys who are artists and musicians because I fancy myself a muse. I call my best friend my stylist and joke that I am not a muggle when I have to adjust my own stockings or put on my own makeup, because it pleases me to pretend I have a lady in waiting tending to me. Or rather I do have a lady in waiting who does tend to me. Pretend, fantasy, reality these lines are all very blurry in my universe. Why shouldn't my fantasies be my reality? I craft fantasies for others, which in and of itself is also a checked item in my Rolodex. Why shouldn't I have what I want, even if or especially if, it is a bit outside of the norm?

I am brilliant. 

I am fearless. 

Pleasure is my birthright.

I love tossing my bag in the trunk and carrying my toothbrush in my purse. I have a fantasy where I get to go home to my tribe. I love vacations. I love rental cars, trains and planes. I have a fantasy that people sincerely miss me and look forward to my return. I love truly enjoying, appreciating, engaging with the people I love most. Familiarity breeds contempt, I wish to be free of contempt.

When does one know if an idea is a good one? When do you know if this is the one that is going to work? When it doesn't go away even when you pro-actively try to ignore it. When you resist, because really how impractical is this, but there it is again. When you go ahead and allow yourself to just fantasize about it a little bit, and suddenly you see it. When there are conflicts, problems, stumbling blocks but the solutions to each just come together. Once you have recognize a thing is yours, it is kind of silly to deny it. I mean unless you're into being denied. If an idea is a good one, the details sort themselves out.

Mistress Cassidy's fantasy Rolodex is going to be spun and so many items will be checked. I do so love the satisfaction of a checked box. Excuse me, where are we? Oh right, I am going home. One of my homes, now there will be two. I will remain here in Massachusetts (and probably pop into Rhode Island once or twice) until September first-ish. I will be available for sessions at Safe Haven, almost every day in August. I will be at every party at Twizted, Safe Haven and at least one Princess Gemini event. Mistress Dahlia and I will be hosting an exclusive, vetted and invite only event in a beautiful home in northern Massachusetts, date will be announced Monday. Highlights to include a hypnosis workshop by yours truly. Early in September I will be heading to Richmond to house hunt, and feed my soul again. October will see me back in Massachusetts, where I will be sessioning, attending and hosting parties. I will celebrate Thanksgiving and my 46^th birthday in Virginia, December Mass again. Do you see the pattern? Once my Virginia dungeon is completed it will be available on Kink B & B when not in use by me, and perhaps a twin in Massachusetts will happen in the next year as well. In the beginning my time in Virginia will be focused on writing, spending real time with my tribe, and building my network there. Time in Massachusetts will be focused on my committed submissives, sessions with worthy newbs and continuing to be an active member of the local scene. I am not abandoning my community, I am expanding it.

Pleasure is my birthright.

A Private Conversation Made Public, with Consent of course

The alternative title for this post was going to be "Our Silly Slave allan" or something of that nature. Below is the lovely email I received a couple days ago. Of course my response comes first, but perhaps it will make more sense to read it out of order. Slave allan's email is italicized, mine is not. 

allan, do you wish to wear my collar again?

I am going to need you to work on some things though. I wish there was a font that actively conveyed that I am smiling and giggling while tapping the keys. No allan, I do not wish for you to do a thing that you're already half trained at that would make my life easier. No slave, it would not be to my benefit to have a servant I already trust doing a job that entails disclosing my passwords. No allan, after running ads for I don't know 5 years now and not finding a skilled assistant that I can afford I would not value trading my time directly for said service. If you hit the lotto don't share it with me, and don't offer me your umbrella in the rain. <end eye rolling here> 

We can hammer out the details of your new contract privately. Send me your last one, if there was anything we had pinned to come back to or anything that was challenging or problematic for you please make a note of it in an email. I expect to have it before the weekend is over, and you can expect to wait about a week for your new one. Next week is pretty full for me. 

By the way slave, I proofed and edited your message. Whether a message is intended to be public or private, please do a better job with the spellcheck. Maple syrup next time, you can thank me for my mercy in your next post. 


I find myself compelled to write you. Originally I
was just going to mark a quick thank you for mentioning my name in your
post. But as my mind started forming up the few sentences, more and
more came to mind, and I find myself unable to rest. I had thought to
post this in the comment box, but I then did something I think very unslave
like. I used the head on my shoulders to do the thinking, instead of
the one in my pants. I figured you would like to proof read it first
then decide if you would want it on your blog. First Ma'am thank you
for the visual you provide of your attire as you wrote your blog. I
had a brief mental picture that would of had you punishing me a few
months ago. You know one of those thoughts a sub should never have of
their owner. But your're a beautiful woman and I had a typical male
reaction. You mentioned your smoking in the post. I had not mentioned
it earlier since I did not know how it was going, and I did not want
to depress you if it was not going your way. But to get to the meat of
this post. I was flabbergasted when you said that I may be a natural
submissive. That was the single most flattering, nicest compliment
that anyone has ever given me. Yes nice things were said to me about
stuff I built. But after working my butt off trying to fit into the
BDSM community, and to have an accomplished dominant woman indicate
that I might be a natural submissive. Well my gosh I feel like I won a
gold medal, or would that be cuffs for our community :) This last
spring was awful for me, and from what I have put together from your
writing, it was none to pleasant of a spring for you to. But the worst
thing to happen was losing your collar. At the time my head was not in
the right place. For a while it felt like my world was collapsing once
again, and I felt jaded that I was not getting as many messages from
you. It never dawned on me at that time of self pity that you could be
having your own hardships and not available to return messages. For
that I am going to break Leroy Jeffrow Gibbs rule number one (nerver
say your sorry. It show's weakness). Then so be it I am weak. I am so
very sorry Mistress Cassidy. The truth be told I miss my collar. I
miss calling myself the collared slave of Mistress Cassidy, I miss
doing your tasks, and I miss be punished by you when I deserve it. I
miss being a slave. But real life prevents me from returning there.
One of my stresser in the spring was realizing that my disability
pension was not able to provide for everything and I was having
difficulty maintaining the monthly tribute. The exchange rate didn't
help things either. I finally knew that I was unable to maintain being
your slave. But I never stop following you though. I was actually very
interested in one of your sub's guest post about an edging task. Sadly
they ended. But when you put out the request for people to send in
guest post I jumped at it. In an indirect way I found a little way
that I could serve you. My reward was when you mention my name in a
post or left a comment. I then found myself checking the comments on
your blog often when you posted the spring poem. In your openning you
advised reader to tell you of typos so you can torment slave allan
properly. I was logging in often hoping to see a comment pointing
out an error just to find out how you were going to torment me.
Desperate right? I had seen in your Fetlife group saying that you were
willing to barter services for some that you needed. I read over the
list but sadly I didn't fit the bill. then I thought maybe I could
train online somewhere to be a virtual assistant or a media manager.
Then I could trade services with you. I shot that down for two reasons
one you will find someone long before I am trained, and two bartering
doesn't pay the bills. You're a pro, this is your business, you need
customers/clients. Despite all of it I will continue to aide you where
I can like a good submissive. Be it an other Q and A or Guest Post.
And once again my reward is the mention of my name in some part of
that post. Am I a natural submissive? I can't answer that. You see
identifying myself as a slave the title natural submissive would be
something bestowed upon me by a dominant person. To just assume that
title is something I as a sub to quote your expression "I do not have
the authority to do." I was raised and lived my adult life being
humble. Is that a natural submissive? I will leave that up to your
mute fans to decide. I started this as a comment for your last
blog.  Gosh, I don' t know if it will fit in the comment section. In
the end that choice is yours Mistress, to use this as a comment, a
guest post or just an Email between friends. It is out of my hands
now.

Your faithful friend
slave allan

What Makes a Good Submissive?

Have my mute readers missed me? I have said this before, I love keeping this blog. I also love having a life worthy of recording in ink (or virtual ink as it is). Someday I will find a balance, it is unlikely that will be this summer.

So many things have changed recently, and so many more changes are on the horizon. I love change. I love new experiences. I love adventure. But honestly Mistress is ready for some things to just settle down already.

It is 8:45 pm on a Thursday. Today I had two great sessions here at Safe Haven. The dungeon is cleaned and ready for tomorrow's party. Mistress has had her fill of fried clams. I am in my tank top and panties (little visual for you, you're welcome) pretending that I paid for this heat and that I am sitting in a glorious sauna catching up my blogging, ad writing, and writing my new goal list, which includes a clearly defined business plan. There are several entries in my mind that must be put into orderly sentences and paragraphs. Some have been occupying head space for the better part of a month and some are fresh. This may turn into a long night for me, but I am up for the challenge.

What makes a good submissive? Months ago I shared that both of my collared subs asked to be released. And yet slave allan  has volunteered to continue to be of service to me, with no expectations of favors or even my attention in return. The term natural submissive has been tossed around in a couple of conversations I have had recently. I concur that there are people who tend to be more submissive than others, in my opinion that doesn't make them better at it. I have always dated artists, singers, guitar players etc; people naturally inclined to be musical, and/or artistic. Those who have continued to follow their passions have become better at them, those who have not- well I don't know, because they don't do it anymore. Being a natural at a thing perhaps gives you an edge, devoting the time to your craft makes you a master of it. Veered of track a little bit there, stay with me. Slave allan may very well be a natural submissive. But that does not mean that my other sub was not a good submissive. 

What, in my opinion, makes a good submissive? That is the question I have been tossing around for weeks. I think I have sessioned with around 500 submissives. Although I have been in the scene for 20 years, there were years I focused only on regular clients and years I saw many new-to-me subs. Five hundred is my best guess. I have been blessed in that I have only ever had one client I would refuse to see again were he to call me. I am confident that he will not. But of course I can not instantly bring to mind all of the people I have met. As I pondered this question certain clients came to mind. At first it was the obvious ones, clients that have become friends, formerly collared or on-going submissives. After awhile though other subs, even ones I only saw once ages ago, started to come to mind. At first glance they don't have much in common. Their interests are all over the spectrum, my memory of their interest may not even be accurate after all this time. They are not necessarily the ones I found attractive. Some were newbies and some were more experienced than I. Here is what I remembered time after time, these are the things they had in common. These are the traits I thought of when I was finally able to articulate what it means to me when I say someone is a good submissive.

• The ability to articulate their intersts. Their list didn't have to match mine completely, we may have only had one interest in common, but they were able to name that interest. One of the most frustrating things for me when I am screening potential clients is when they say, “Whatever pleases you Mistress”. It frustrates me because I do understand that they do wish to please me and they have somehow been lead to believe the way to do that is to just agree to anything. I have many interests. I love all of them. It is a waste of my time to create a scene that is simply what I want if it doesn't meet my sub's needs. Know what I want? I want to hand your credit cards off to my assistant, because I hate to shop myself. I want to lock you in my kennel. Then I want to reread some of my favorite books until your time is up and your card is maxed out. Is that what you were hoping for? Actually I would hate that, and if that's what you are looking for find a findomme, and tell her you wish to be a paypig, those are the terms for that. I want magic. I want to be exhilarated or exhausted at the end of our session. I want tears, sweat, blood if that's within your comfort zone. A good submissive can say what their hopes are for their time with me. . 
• Honesty about their experience level. When a person tells me that they are very into xyz, I assume they have experienced xyz. Depending on the precise words they use I might even assume they have extensive experience with it. It happens sometimes though that what a person actually means is that they are attracted to xyz, they have thought about it, sought out images of it, but in the real world they have never experienced it. That's kind of a really important distinction. I have come to learn that as the person accepting responsibility for a scene, I need to ask questions and be certain I understand what has been said to me. But a good sub volunteers that information.    
• A good submissive pays attention. It thrills me when I see a returning client and during the how have you been stage of our time together they are able to say, Mistress how is quitting smoking going? Or any other thing that was discussed in our last session. Was my vacation relaxing? Is my garden coming along? They may not remember my birthday. They may not remember that my favorite flowers are orange roses. But remember that I was fighting off a cold the last time you saw me and ask me how I am feeling now. You know because I am not a fantasy fulfillment dispenser, I am person with feelings and people feel good when you follow-up.
• A good submissive is thoughtful. I receive gifts from my subs all the time. It would be inappropriate of me to start rattling off the dollar value of some of these gifts. I have been blessed with many generous subs in my career. It isn't the value of the gifts though, it is the sincere thoughtfulness behind them. I fell in love with the work of a submissive artist in the UK. a person I have never met in real life. He gave me access to his work and his blanket consent to use them as I saw fit. Once I had to put away a tool I intended to use when I realized it had suffered damage and was no longer safe to play with, the submissive I was in a scene with sent me a replacement within a couple days. I have a subbie who brings me the most delicious chocolate covered cherries. Thoughtfulness can be inexpensive, it can even be free. Truly, it is the thought that counts and it warms my icy heart when the thought was of me.
• A good submissive shares themselves with me. I do not mean a good submissive offers up their body to me. I mean a good submissive opens up their soul to me, or at least shares with me where they are at at this time. In part I need to know where my sub's head is, but also I want to know where my sub's head is. I want to know is this stress relief time, or is it the capstone of a perfect day. We are going to engage in some intense play. (That is another thought I have pinned for an entry, it is ALL intense play.)  It is my hope that our scene leaves my sub feeling wonderful. It might not though. If it doesn't, I am going to do my best to walk them through whatever feeling it gives them. 

Another top may have a completely different take on what makes a good submissive, and that is their prerogative.