What Makes a Good Submissive?

Have my mute readers missed me? I have said this before, I love keeping this blog. I also love having a life worthy of recording in ink (or virtual ink as it is). Someday I will find a balance, it is unlikely that will be this summer.

So many things have changed recently, and so many more changes are on the horizon. I love change. I love new experiences. I love adventure. But honestly Mistress is ready for some things to just settle down already.

It is 8:45 pm on a Thursday. Today I had two great sessions here at Safe Haven. The dungeon is cleaned and ready for tomorrow's party. Mistress has had her fill of fried clams. I am in my tank top and panties (little visual for you, you're welcome) pretending that I paid for this heat and that I am sitting in a glorious sauna catching up my blogging, ad writing, and writing my new goal list, which includes a clearly defined business plan. There are several entries in my mind that must be put into orderly sentences and paragraphs. Some have been occupying head space for the better part of a month and some are fresh. This may turn into a long night for me, but I am up for the challenge.

What makes a good submissive? Months ago I shared that both of my collared subs asked to be released. And yet slave allan  has volunteered to continue to be of service to me, with no expectations of favors or even my attention in return. The term natural submissive has been tossed around in a couple of conversations I have had recently. I concur that there are people who tend to be more submissive than others, in my opinion that doesn't make them better at it. I have always dated artists, singers, guitar players etc; people naturally inclined to be musical, and/or artistic. Those who have continued to follow their passions have become better at them, those who have not- well I don't know, because they don't do it anymore. Being a natural at a thing perhaps gives you an edge, devoting the time to your craft makes you a master of it. Veered of track a little bit there, stay with me. Slave allan may very well be a natural submissive. But that does not mean that my other sub was not a good submissive. 

What, in my opinion, makes a good submissive? That is the question I have been tossing around for weeks. I think I have sessioned with around 500 submissives. Although I have been in the scene for 20 years, there were years I focused only on regular clients and years I saw many new-to-me subs. Five hundred is my best guess. I have been blessed in that I have only ever had one client I would refuse to see again were he to call me. I am confident that he will not. But of course I can not instantly bring to mind all of the people I have met. As I pondered this question certain clients came to mind. At first it was the obvious ones, clients that have become friends, formerly collared or on-going submissives. After awhile though other subs, even ones I only saw once ages ago, started to come to mind. At first glance they don't have much in common. Their interests are all over the spectrum, my memory of their interest may not even be accurate after all this time. They are not necessarily the ones I found attractive. Some were newbies and some were more experienced than I. Here is what I remembered time after time, these are the things they had in common. These are the traits I thought of when I was finally able to articulate what it means to me when I say someone is a good submissive.

• The ability to articulate their intersts. Their list didn't have to match mine completely, we may have only had one interest in common, but they were able to name that interest. One of the most frustrating things for me when I am screening potential clients is when they say, “Whatever pleases you Mistress”. It frustrates me because I do understand that they do wish to please me and they have somehow been lead to believe the way to do that is to just agree to anything. I have many interests. I love all of them. It is a waste of my time to create a scene that is simply what I want if it doesn't meet my sub's needs. Know what I want? I want to hand your credit cards off to my assistant, because I hate to shop myself. I want to lock you in my kennel. Then I want to reread some of my favorite books until your time is up and your card is maxed out. Is that what you were hoping for? Actually I would hate that, and if that's what you are looking for find a findomme, and tell her you wish to be a paypig, those are the terms for that. I want magic. I want to be exhilarated or exhausted at the end of our session. I want tears, sweat, blood if that's within your comfort zone. A good submissive can say what their hopes are for their time with me. . 
• Honesty about their experience level. When a person tells me that they are very into xyz, I assume they have experienced xyz. Depending on the precise words they use I might even assume they have extensive experience with it. It happens sometimes though that what a person actually means is that they are attracted to xyz, they have thought about it, sought out images of it, but in the real world they have never experienced it. That's kind of a really important distinction. I have come to learn that as the person accepting responsibility for a scene, I need to ask questions and be certain I understand what has been said to me. But a good sub volunteers that information.    
• A good submissive pays attention. It thrills me when I see a returning client and during the how have you been stage of our time together they are able to say, Mistress how is quitting smoking going? Or any other thing that was discussed in our last session. Was my vacation relaxing? Is my garden coming along? They may not remember my birthday. They may not remember that my favorite flowers are orange roses. But remember that I was fighting off a cold the last time you saw me and ask me how I am feeling now. You know because I am not a fantasy fulfillment dispenser, I am person with feelings and people feel good when you follow-up.
• A good submissive is thoughtful. I receive gifts from my subs all the time. It would be inappropriate of me to start rattling off the dollar value of some of these gifts. I have been blessed with many generous subs in my career. It isn't the value of the gifts though, it is the sincere thoughtfulness behind them. I fell in love with the work of a submissive artist in the UK. a person I have never met in real life. He gave me access to his work and his blanket consent to use them as I saw fit. Once I had to put away a tool I intended to use when I realized it had suffered damage and was no longer safe to play with, the submissive I was in a scene with sent me a replacement within a couple days. I have a subbie who brings me the most delicious chocolate covered cherries. Thoughtfulness can be inexpensive, it can even be free. Truly, it is the thought that counts and it warms my icy heart when the thought was of me.
• A good submissive shares themselves with me. I do not mean a good submissive offers up their body to me. I mean a good submissive opens up their soul to me, or at least shares with me where they are at at this time. In part I need to know where my sub's head is, but also I want to know where my sub's head is. I want to know is this stress relief time, or is it the capstone of a perfect day. We are going to engage in some intense play. (That is another thought I have pinned for an entry, it is ALL intense play.)  It is my hope that our scene leaves my sub feeling wonderful. It might not though. If it doesn't, I am going to do my best to walk them through whatever feeling it gives them. 

Another top may have a completely different take on what makes a good submissive, and that is their prerogative.