Mercury

Did you know I was born during a Mercury retrograde? I was, on the day after Thanksgiving 1972. My top was too. It's not really as odd as I may have implied. Mercury retrogrades 3 times a year on average, every year. Check your chart, maybe you were too. 

I have this informal theory though that there's something a little magnetic about those of us born while the messenger of the Gods is spinning backwards. You're intrigued, you don't quite understand us, but you want to try. You wish you could be like us. Then again maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just weird.  

At the beginning of June, I said I was going to write three posts this month. We have 11 hours, and 55 minutes for me to keep my word. It's cool, I love a deadline and I can name this tune in just one note Chuck. 

There was one entry posted when I decided 3 was the magic number for June, and I already had the other two outlined. One explores prioritizing pleasure, and the other about how to arrange to collab with me. They're outlined on paper, fully realized in my thoughts, translating them into keys tapped- convenance of precisely what I mean into a form I can share with you, well, that's not really put together yet. Each is important to me, and I really wish to do them well. 

When I sat down to write the last entry I just couldn't find either thread. That happens, and it's okay. My thoughts were all tangled up with the nonsense from the stalker I playfully refer to as the President of the Cassidy Cream fan club, and with the recognition that the anniversary of my mother's passing is quickly approaching. I couldn't quiet my thoughts from wondering what impact my relationship with my mother has had on the type of women I am attracted to and so instead I wrote the post before this, a quick exploration of my thoughts on humiliation. And yes, it was 100% inspired by the actions of the aforementioned stalker. 

Thanks, I guess.

Now to be honest, I wasn't going to tackle either of the planned subjects again today. It's June 30th, I really meant it when I promised myself there would be 3 entries this month, but I was up late last night. Nicholas (of Your Kinky Friends and YKF's Cinema Show) asked if I could come on the show when another creator had to reschedule with little notice. I asked him off air if he had asked anyone else, he said I was the first person he thought of. That humbles and flatters me, that is exactly where I aimed to be as a member of our community. I wished to be the person other kink professionals think of when they think, I need someone I can trust to show up. And here I am, my reality reflecting precisely how I imagined my life should look. Anyway, so I was up late last night, and I also have a rather important task in my vanilla life to tackle today too. Tomorrow marks 33 years since I brought whole human earthside, after creating her in my body. Can you imagine? That's a thing I can do, and I've done quite a few times. Yes, I know, it's been done 8 billion other times. Perhaps you somehow think that makes it less special, I assure you, much like a rose by any other name, call me what ya like, I make humans. Ergo, I am a Goddess. And tomorrow we celebrate one of my junior Goddesses. Wish Claudia a happy thirty-third should you see her.

And so I was again going to push back those two entries, pin them for July, and instead I was going to whip up an easy A. A quick recap of June, promo the show last night with Nicholas, bemoan that I didn't travel anywhere but tease that there may be a visit with my NYC love. Share that my July schedule is still rather fluid because house hunting sucks so hard, that I am committed to host on 231Mutual but I forget what dates, and wrap it up with a quick reminder to go pop off to my OF so you can, you know, pop off with me.  

Imagine my surprise when I got here, checked the stats on my last post, thought oh my goodness someone listened last night on YFK when Nicholas and I said, for real be brave, leave comments for writers. Two comments, oh my, you like me, you really like me (Sally Field, Google Sally Field's acceptance speech if you don't know the reference, I love that my audience skews young and sincerely I hope I don't make you feel less than with my Gen X references) But let's all lol loudly, because of course the commenter does, she's the president of my fan club.  

I know, who cares what psychiatrists write on walls (12 Monkeys, you'll love it). Ignore her and she'll go away, that's what I'd tell Claudia. It's solid advice. Let them, that's what my top said, also great advice and a good book so far. But also, will she? Will she go away? When? Why should I be the bigger person? I was minding my business. Never have I ever reached out to her, and yet here I am again with my day half undone because of some noise left by some insignificunt (Boondock Saints). 

This post isn't what I intended, or even my back-up plan. But it is the third post in June, and that's all I promised myself I'd do. There are some good movie recommendations sprinkled through it, let me know what you think if you watch them. Stayed tuned, there will be three more in July. Maybe two will be the ones I've been trying to finish for so long or maybe it'll a slideshow from my next adventure. I promise it won't be boring, and you'll never, ever forget me. 

Let the Good Times Roll

Let the good times roll, let them knock you around, 
Let the good times roll, let them make you a clown

It's hard to be humble when your wishes always come true. The expression is that you can't be grateful and fearful at the same time, but if you really dig deep into gratitude, if you are fully delighted by your charmed life, there isn't much room for humility either. If success comes easy to you, both because you define success so loosely and because you are extraordinarily lucky, motivation becomes fleeting too. 

Narcissus was Pushed, that's the title for a work of fiction that I have drafted fully in my imagination. The title, just now, that's the most I have typed of it in the real world. 

While I slept last night, one of my favorite gooning foot subbies, zoned out and tipped me...well it would be so tacky to share the exact amount, right? Let me instead share this a short story, when I was 19 a lived in a little green cottage on a lake in Nowherebrook, MA. This subbie tipped me my rent in 1992 for that little green cottage. 

That wasn't even the most generous tribute of the past 24 hours.

My top, wait let me clarify that too while we are here, of course he's still my top ya dumb ass. Why would I need his collar? I have his soul embedded in ink in the flesh of my right forearm. One of my favorite characters in one of my favorite books is Zaphod Beeblebrox. Among other things, he carved his initials into sections of his brain before modifying his brains (yes plural, he has two, keep up), so he could keep his plans a secret from himself and also know it was completely his own idea to steal the improbability drive, once it was done. Subliminal exclusively for you Master, all the same, ink be damned, I wouldn't let a submissive of my quality hitchhike around the universe uncollared, but that's just me an experienced Domme of unequalled caliber. 

Back to the lecture at hand. 

My top gives exceptionally good advice, and often times it is diametrically opposed to what I think on the matter I have asked for his thoughts on. Which is such a gift. More important than contemplating if he's right, or if I'm right, it gives me insight and the ability to step outside my own experiences, my own opinions, and to see the matter from the point of view of someone I trust almost as much as I trust myself. I trust myself unquestionably. Those are my initials all over this life. 

One of the most turned over pearls of wisdom he has given me is his observation that people will go to great lengths to avoid being humiliated. It may very well be my favorite dichotomy. He is right, but so was I when I responded, "But Sir, people pay me to humiliate them."  And they do, they come back for more even. 

Humiliation is not my kink. I don't think it's my strongest skill even if my subs would disagree, and never have I ever had my finger on my trigger while imagining that I am anything less than the star of my story. Yet one of the most significant scenes Master **** and I have shared included some rather intense humiliation. I've talked it about it here before, I floated around for weeks in this frequency of profoundly deep contentment. I've questioned how much longer it might have lasted if my mother hadn't taken ill and snapped me right back to reality.  The scene was completely his idea, while I agreed to it, it was not an idea I had any interest in exploring nor do I have any interest in revisiting. It wasn't the specific activity that caused such a flood of endorphins, but I believe rather the risk of allowing myself to feel and look, don't for one second underestimate how vain I am, absolutely ridiculous in front of my top.  In that scene and in other moments I've found myself scared, terrified really, and thinking What if this is the pig blood in Carrie moment? What if this is when he rejects me? What if this is my undoing? What if I am the punchline? 

The answer that soothes me, so what if it is? 

What an absolute rush of power. First and foremost, aiming to undo another speaks more about who they are than who I am, doesn't it? Wouldn't it verify they imagine that I am so very much? If my love and submission were rejected, it could only speak to their lack of taste not the quality of my affection. And if I shake off this scared version of me, trapped here in this moment, and do this thing, push all the chips in, what a payoff no matter how it unfolds. What a rush. Either I cum or it all burns. Oh wait, did I say I humiliation isn't my kink? Fuck, I didn't think I was a masochist either until I felt my feet throb while boarding. 

What I keep coming back to, all in all I think he's right. Most people would do anything to avoid feeling humiliated. The lengths people will go to in the name of self-preservation is fascinating to me, because simultaneously it seems they aren't big fans of the self they are preserving.  Whether it is in ways that only harm themselves, like opting not pursue one's passions in favor of safety and comfort, even if that safety and comfort is within a life they hate, rather than risk being a failure. Or in the ways some lash out, blame others, assign the narrative of their story to those who have wronged them, even if the slight was entirely in their own imagination, rather than examine the choices they made and how they might choose differently in the future. And it seems to me, from here far outside of the mainstream, that is accepted and encouraged by the masses. That we, as individuals and as a society, encourage each other to choose mediocrity rather than risk humiliation. And that, to me, sounds mortifying.  

And I know the night is fading

And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you everything I've gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try

Morning. 

Monday morning. 

A rainy Monday morning. I should have set up a camera to record an ASMR vid while I write. Just now, you would have heard the clickety clack of the keys, the tap tap tap of the rain, and the sweetest sigh like someone falling in love. Today, June first of 2026, falls on a Monday, the day after a full blue moon in Sagittarius, and it's raining. How long have we been friends? If it's been more than a minute, you know, I love every word in those sentences. June is destined to be a most perfect month if started like this. 

All the same, May will be a tough act to follow. Where did we leave off? My May kicked off navel gazing on the dance floor of Manray, while the DJ spun NIN and nearly naked bodies stomped and swayed. It had been my intention to end the month at Mohegan, sharing the story about that boy who sings when he's really happy and the one time when he sang to me (readacted), with Ashley. But I am never ever allowed to tell that story and Ash couldn't make it. All good, one must expect and accept the challenges of time if one is ruled by Jupiter and crushing hard on another from her astro-tribe. Instead, I wrapped it up with my most vanilla bestie, doing yoga under the full moon. Clothes on, like I said she's my most vanilla bestie not my freakiest.  

In 10 minutes, I have to vanilla. I'm going to go in my PJs, I used to do that a lot. Because it's a flex, and I can. I double dog dare ya to tell me I can't. There is however much to be gained from following conventional standards and dressing one's best. I am grateful for the years my top held me to it. 

Can I finish the entire recap of May in under 10 minutes? No me know, can you keep up?

First June accountability, I'm going to post 3 times in June. Stop laughing, A. The outlines exist already and B. Dionysus said he'd do something about the 24 hours in a day thing. Yes him, the God of wine that my vanilla name derives from. I think we're going to get Mercury tipsy and lock him a cupboard or something. It'll be fun, and finally I'll have more time to play with. Wish I had thought to ask him sooner. 
Back to May, because oh my, wasn't it great? Big bull Taurus energy, note if that ASMR video were recording, I just bit my lip and wished so hard. But that wish is pinned, my top is still busy being all important and vanilla, and whatever TF he's doing while pining away for me, I hope. Let's see now, what did I do in May? I let Ashley get me all sticky with cotton candy. No, that's not a metaphor, actually sticky. Me and my sticky-phobia, I allowed and loved it, even in my ear. The things we do for love. I know it's so gauche to kiss and tell, and typically I am a keeper of secrets. But I am so down for a whirlwind of summer love and getting sticky with beautiful women. 

What else? Oh, I appeared on Nicholas's new show, YFK Cinema. We caught up, giggled and explored the cult classic Barbarella. The movie quite possibly responsible for starting me on this silly and sexy path. I hosted a group JOI on 231Mutual, and Ms. Danielle and I did an encore round of Behind the Whip. Note to my LD love, if you pop by, now that there will be more hours in the day, perhaps we can again explore making Behind the Whip an ongoing? Or something else, whatever, I miss you, let's play.  

Back to you, faceless masses, I'll be on 231Mutual again this Friday at 8:30p.  Show name tbd, but subject is confirmed; I'm going to share my thoughts on hiring a professional as a couple and as a single woman. Contact me if you'd like more info on joining 231Mutual, think of it as a welcoming but gated community. 

There's a small possibility I may head to Manray after for Yes Daddy. The odds of this happening will go up exponentially if my local friends decide to be less lame, hit me up if you intend to go. 

On a more formal note, I experienced my first lobby day in Albany, NY with Ela-One, DecrimNY and other sw organizations. To be honest, this is among the primary reasons I am looking for places where I can carve more time into my schedule. As a dominatrix, I have had the benefit of being in both one of the most lucrative and the safest corners of sex work. My legal risks have always been minimal, my personal safety has always been high, and as you know, I live a rather charmed life where most of my wishes have come true. I am ready and eager to give back to the community that I have thrived in, and as my little vanillas become not so little, as they become adult vanillas even, I finally can. 

Lastly Bailey Wilde and I were finally able to sync our schedules for a day of content creation last week. Teasers have already been seeded on most of my socials, full length videos should be posted to our fan sites within a week. Perhaps we could hit you off faster if you what? That's right, beg a little and tip a lot. 

My schedule for June is a rough outline and a commitment to go with the flow. We have not yet found my Barbie Dream House. While there is no real rush, looking at almost but not quite perfect spaces wreaks havoc on my equilibrium. The first half of June, now through Flag Day, I only have availability for service subs. If you desire purpose, if you wish to demonstrate your devotion in a meaningful way, step to the front please and come help get my house ready to list. The second half of June is being held open, I am not scheduling sessions with the hope that I will be settled into my soon-to-be discovered Barbie Dream Home and ready to leave my stuff there and go on an adventure lol. I've already had to alter my plans for Alaskan cruise with my vanilla bestie, I hope the Gods of Home and Hearth aren't asking me to sacrifice the rest of my summer plans.

Hit me up privately if you'd like the list of towns I'd consider moving to, and a sketch of what I'm looking for in my Barbie Dream House. 

For my junior fans, the lyrics at the top are from Making Love Out of Nothing at All, Air Supply circa 1983.