Who Knew Mornings Looked Like This?

Since April 28th I have taken a photo every morning for my top. I am not a morning person. I have never, ever, under any circumstance, been a morning person. I often stay up all night and I see the sunrise from that angle. I can't recall a time I saw it after waking up. 

I started working out a few times a week on that date too. It was suppose to be daily. I wasn't very good at keeping to that request. My argument went something like: I am incredibly active, I get at least 25 minutes of aerobic activity a day, I've been a 2 pack a day smoker for 30 years and btw there are only 24 hours in a day.

On July 24th an awful thing happened. Remember I asked you to respect my privacy on that one. I am still holding you to that request. I am only referring back to it so I might say, on July 25th I decided I had to again make dramatic changes to how I do things. 

That happens. There is a yin-yang tattoo on the back of my neck, balance.  Balance isn't a static thing. It is not this and that being equal at all times. It is this grows, so that shirks. This expands and that must contract. It is this approach worked for all this time, but time has moved forward and so must you. 

One of the first things I had to address was my finances. I don't wish to overshare on my blog. Stop laughing. Showing my breasts is not oversharing, that's just playful teasing. Sharing my bank statements, that's oversharing. Those that know me know the circumstances that returned me to Virginia, and those that do not, well you probably don't need to know. My finances did not, that could be the complete statement right there. My finances did not. I entertained a couple of ideas. They all would have ended with sacrificing one or the other of the two things I feel most passionately about. Everyone reading knows what one of those is, right? I am not ready to retire. Some of you know what the other is, I am not asking that corner of my world to make another sacrifice ever again.

A very good friend of mine had talked to me a couple of times about the company they were investing their time in, and I revisited the idea with them. And I went in circles with the idea for a little bit. I have done direct sales before. I am pretty sure I promoted Avon on this blog for a little while, remember? I love Avon. I have a package of Skin So Soft wipes in my purse right now, and another in my glove box. And, I bet the other 6 Avon Ladies that live in my complex do too. I support my friends who work in direct sales. Because when it comes down to it, it is a form of business ownership that is within the reach of most people's budgets. I love Athena's toys, and when I am in the mood for a new battery powered partner, I need to check my notes to remember which of my Goddess friends I ordered from last time.  This company is brand new to the US market, my upline is part of the team bringing it to the US. I love Jamberry Nails, but when I want to change the color on my toes, I don't want to bust out my hair dryer. Jeunesse is health and wellness, there are no gimmicks in any of our lines. Wait, that may be the conflict I can't get past there. Health and wellness. Anyone who has eaten at my table has been subjected to a lecture on denatured proteins that happen when cereal is created using high heat extrusion to create puffs, flakes & special shapes. Anyone who has eaten at my table has likely been fed tomato sauce that was canned in my kitchen from tomatoes grown in my garden, seasoned with basil from my window box. My credibility on a subject I am passionate about can not be bought with an all expenses paid trip to Orlando. Even if I am put up in a suite at the Hyatt Regency on the 14th floor with a breathtaking view, an oversized bathtub and treated like a princess. Thankfully, it can be leased.  The science behind our skincare line is cutting edge. The nutritional composition of our supplements is based on a sound research.  And if you can't just take my word for it, because a woman who looks like me can't possibly also understand complex studies, or advanced scientific theories, I'll just smile and send you the links. 

I started taking Jeunesse AM & PM supplements the last week of July. Since then I have added several other products to my routine, but those were what I opted to try first.

Every day since August 1st I have worked out for a half hour within the first hour I am awake. 

One of the ethical standards hammered home in the training through Jeunesse is full disclosure. No trick lighting, no claims of curing illness, if other things factored into the results your presenting- state them. So in the name of full disclosure, on August 7th I began taking Wellbutrin to assist with the next thing I am going to state. 

On August 9th, which for the record was fifty-four days ago, I quit smoking.  

That's a photo I sent to my top maybe a week ago. It was around 9:30 in the morning. I had worked out already. I had meditated. Breakfast soup was simmering. Cassidy's Castle had been tidied up. Showering, supplements, medicine and day make-up were all checked off my To Do List. I don't think I had had my caffeine yet. I may have, and I don't want to fib. But um, ya, kind of look a little like a morning person.  I look like I am happy about it too. This is what every morning looks like now. 

And yes, I do want to grow my team. Why wouldn't I? This has been an amazing journey for me already and I know it's only going to grow from here. So go check out my site and shoot me a text. Because I haven't said anything about the travel opportunities or the philanthropy arm of the company, Jeunesse Kids, yet.  I haven't said anything about my upline and how much I have learned from them already. I suppose I implied how well the products work, but I haven't shown ya the video of wrinkles erasing themselves. 

Next entry, I promise I won't make you wait a month again for the next entry, we'll get back to indulging all you little voyeurs. 

Pleasure is My Birthright

That was a gift from a client recently, the mantra I used as the title above. One of my go to mantras is Abundance is my birthright, so when this subbie uttered his, it clicked for me and has stuck since. Pleasure is my birthright. This was a unique session, and no, Mistress does not typically make her subbies chant and gaze at their navels in her sessions. Yet the universe gives me these gifts; like a sub who came wishing to experience magic instead of handing off a checklist of requests. And no, you will not be hearing more about that session, I respect my sub's privacy and if you wish to experience voyeurism you can talk to me about arranging a video session or a double with my Hazey. If you wish to experience magic, bring me something interesting. Are you interesting? 

I am such a tease, but that is why you are here, isn't it?

How many recent entries talk about things changing? How many entries aren't here because I have been so busy in the real world that time at the keys just hasn't happened? How many times have I said I am planning a thing, and then followed up with a thing isn't happening? Perhaps to me it feels like it has happened more than it has, there are so many entries sitting on my dashboard unfinished.

The past few months have been a season of growth. Oh look how we can use language to turn something painful, challenging, and gut-retching into a thing that sounds positive, maybe even beautiful. Growth is both, a caterpillar turns into a liquefied mess of goo before it turns into a butterfly, you just don't see that because it happens in the chrysalis. I bet that hurts.

There have been many false starts in the recent past. Ideas that spoke to me, seemed promising, seemed right & best for me, but yet when I tried to make them happen, there was only a mess of goo & no butterfly emerged. I am usually OK with this. As a creative, entrepreneurial-minded, kind of person, I totally get some ideas just won't work. Sometimes it is timing. Sometimes it is resources. Sometimes it is just a bad idea. Move on, throw the next thing on the drawing board and here's the important part, try not to take it personally. Try not to let the disappointment of one failed idea infect the next one, or worse cause you to stop looking for the next one. For almost a year now it has seemed that in every corner of my universe every idea, every thing, was just going to turn to goo no matter how much energy I infused it with. I tapped myself dry over and over again. I believe I give my subs great advice. I take opportunities to mentor so seriously. Perhaps occasionally I can hear my own advice? Sometimes things just don't work out, don't take it personally. Who knows why, and who cares? Unless there is an opportunity to learn a thing in the failed thing, move on.

Pleasure is my birthright.

More than my birthright. Providing, and receiving pleasure is my life. Please do not degrade what I mean here with an idea that I am using pleasure as a euphemism for sex. I have told you before, I do not engage in anything as pedestrian as- well you know what I said. Fantasy fulfillment dispenser, when that slipped from my lips I saw my head on a Pez dispenser.

A phoenix becomes all ragged, is consumed by fire that burns to ashes, and then reemerges more magnificent than what it was before. I bet that hurts even more than goo. A phoenix, like me, is a fantasy. Or at least that is what the muggles believe.

Pleasure is my birthright.

I have checked off so many items in my fantasy Rolodex. Some came so early in my life. I wished to own a pet store, checked that off at 23. There's a big one, won't share the specifics here but checked that off at 15. Highway roulette, get in my car & drive until an exit sounds interesting and go see what's there. That was a game I coined a month after I got my license. My favorite thing about being a dancer was the vibe in the dressing room. It is not sexy by the way. It is tension filled, it is the smell of dozens of perfumes & cosmetics, nerves and bravado. Twenty, check. My fantasies have little to do with the old in and out. My fantasies are alchemy. My fantasies are experiences. I date boys who are artists and musicians because I fancy myself a muse. I call my best friend my stylist and joke that I am not a muggle when I have to adjust my own stockings or put on my own makeup, because it pleases me to pretend I have a lady in waiting tending to me. Or rather I do have a lady in waiting who does tend to me. Pretend, fantasy, reality these lines are all very blurry in my universe. Why shouldn't my fantasies be my reality? I craft fantasies for others, which in and of itself is also a checked item in my Rolodex. Why shouldn't I have what I want, even if or especially if, it is a bit outside of the norm?

I am brilliant. 

I am fearless. 

Pleasure is my birthright.

I love tossing my bag in the trunk and carrying my toothbrush in my purse. I have a fantasy where I get to go home to my tribe. I love vacations. I love rental cars, trains and planes. I have a fantasy that people sincerely miss me and look forward to my return. I love truly enjoying, appreciating, engaging with the people I love most. Familiarity breeds contempt, I wish to be free of contempt.

When does one know if an idea is a good one? When do you know if this is the one that is going to work? When it doesn't go away even when you pro-actively try to ignore it. When you resist, because really how impractical is this, but there it is again. When you go ahead and allow yourself to just fantasize about it a little bit, and suddenly you see it. When there are conflicts, problems, stumbling blocks but the solutions to each just come together. Once you have recognize a thing is yours, it is kind of silly to deny it. I mean unless you're into being denied. If an idea is a good one, the details sort themselves out.

Mistress Cassidy's fantasy Rolodex is going to be spun and so many items will be checked. I do so love the satisfaction of a checked box. Excuse me, where are we? Oh right, I am going home. One of my homes, now there will be two. I will remain here in Massachusetts (and probably pop into Rhode Island once or twice) until September first-ish. I will be available for sessions at Safe Haven, almost every day in August. I will be at every party at Twizted, Safe Haven and at least one Princess Gemini event. Mistress Dahlia and I will be hosting an exclusive, vetted and invite only event in a beautiful home in northern Massachusetts, date will be announced Monday. Highlights to include a hypnosis workshop by yours truly. Early in September I will be heading to Richmond to house hunt, and feed my soul again. October will see me back in Massachusetts, where I will be sessioning, attending and hosting parties. I will celebrate Thanksgiving and my 46^th birthday in Virginia, December Mass again. Do you see the pattern? Once my Virginia dungeon is completed it will be available on Kink B & B when not in use by me, and perhaps a twin in Massachusetts will happen in the next year as well. In the beginning my time in Virginia will be focused on writing, spending real time with my tribe, and building my network there. Time in Massachusetts will be focused on my committed submissives, sessions with worthy newbs and continuing to be an active member of the local scene. I am not abandoning my community, I am expanding it.

Pleasure is my birthright.