The other day when I ordered myself to bed-rest hoping I might throw off the cold that began Wednesday night. The cold that altered my plans to return to Massachusetts Thursday. I will do my part to keep the Gods amused, I will continue to plan. But I will also accept that I am where I am meant to be, when I am meant to be there.
So we are in Richmond. The plan, go ahead laugh Zeus and Athena and Horus my most favorite, cackle away. The plan, currently, is to stay through the holidays. The plan is to continue to give all of my energy and focus to building in Richmond. I'm letting go of my anxiety about this. It did seem like the best idea was to go back to Massachusetts, see my regulars, replenish my shrinking savings and come back with a new cushion. Yet every time I am about to put my toothbrush in my purse and head out, the universe loudly says, in Samuel Jackson's voice,"Just sit your ass back down.".
So what are we doing in Virginia? What does giving all of my energy & focus here look like? I've expanded on a component of my sessions and added an entirely new thing. Aftercare is an area of sessions that always concerned me. In play between partners aftercare, in my opinion, never really ends. A scene, an experience can be revisited any time it needs to be. That is impractical and unreasonable in a professional setting. What I have always done is to leave a two hour empty space in my schedule after the end time of all appointments. Depending on the theme, at most it takes an hour for me to clean my dungeon. Sometimes it takes much less. Even for the themes I know will take less, I still leave a two hour block. Then if a session goes a little over, I can allow it. If the sub wants to switch gears when we actually meet, it isn't a big deal. If a client has an emotional response to their experience, we can take as much time as needed to work through it before I put them behind the wheel of their car and send them back to the real world. While I feel that is pretty generous of me, I do not tack on an extra fee for that time, I also feel like sometimes it isn't enough. It is rare for a sub to need that hour immediately after a session. Most clients leave shortly after our time together ends. I am confident that they are fine, ready to go back to their vanilla worlds. What I wonder about is what are they feeling as they are getting ready for bed that night. Or the next day when the marks have faded, or when bruises have set in. My ability to check in with them is pretty limited. I encourage everyone to get in touch if they need to, but it would be inappropriate for me to reach into their vanilla lives to check on them. We'll come back to this in a moment.
I have a friend in Massachusetts who is a professional "cuddler". She offers platonic, wholesome, clothes on affection. I was fascinated. She helps people feel acceptance, loved and yet she doesn't call them dirty, little- well never mind what I call my subs. What a concept. It's interesting but I could never offer that, I'm a smoker. The idea came up again recently. I'm not a smoker anymore, remember when you thought this was interesting? You could totally give this a try now. At first I intended to try to keep it distinct and separate from my BDSM work. My first cuddling client had been in my space for exactly 1 minute when he said, so I googled your phone number and I see you are also a professional dominatrix. This has been echoed by every cuddling client and inquiry since. So much for avoiding crossover.
How does this tie back to aftercare? I haven't had a bdsm client find my cuddling ad yet. If they are googling to check my reputation there is only 1 small cuddling ad in a sea of BDSM ads. I could avoid crossover in that direction for quite some time, I don't wish to though. Telling my clients about it in the course of their session gives me an opportunity to talk about aftercare. It gives me a logical place to reiterate that I recognize the importance of good aftercare, and in a sense it reinforces that they have my consent to reach out should they need more. They don't have to schedule a cuddle session, although they are welcome to if they wish. Just knowing that I offer them, reminds them that the warm moments we shared were just as sincere as the moments of discomfort I gave them. When I put your head in my lap, when I stroked your hair and told you that I was proud of you, that really happened too. Reminding them that their top is also a warm, compassionate person gives them permission to reach out should they need more follow-up.
There is just one more idea I wanted to share here, but I feel like this post has exceeded a reasonable length already.
What's a domme with an idea to do? Just a little tease...
I'm going to introduce a new idea on Chaturbate this week. What is it? Oh you'll have to tune in to find out. What day will I be unveiling it? I'm not sure. People plan, Gods laugh. I am signed on almost every night at about midnight. Pop in, around midnight & see if this is the night.
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:-)
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