Long Distance

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Monday's List: On Tuesday

New! Sqweel Go USB Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator











My vanilla world has been a little full the past few days, so this week's Monday List took til Tuesday to exist. Oops. 
  • Available Days: I'm not sure if I have any days open this week. Again, my vanilla obligations are a bit more full than normal. I may have some time open on Thursday, the weekend looks promising too. 
  • New Toys: No toy shopping again this week 😞 But remember when I mentioned that affiliate program that didn't want to work with an adult website? If you're a new reader, don't worry about it. What you need to know now is that my blog & website were approved to promote a wicked cool adult store. The store is called "Love Honey". They offer a great points program, you get a # of points for each $ you spend and then you can apply those points to future orders.  And if you order from them using a link here  or on cassidycream.com  I will receive a small commission for the referral. Expect to see reviews of some cool toys soon.   I can't seem to put the link in correctly here.... 
    Making the right sex toy choice is easy thanks to real customer sex toy reviews at Lovehoney.com
  • Nail & toe polish: My toes are still a navy blue, a pedi is on the agenda later on this rainy day. I'm thinking Goth Black. My nails are a really sweet rose colored glitter, but I've misplaced the bottle & I have no idea what the name of the color is. 
  • New Projects: I have a couple of projects that I am super excited about. Neither is really ready for the big reveal yet though. At least one of them will be unveiled in the next few days. Come back & watch for it. 
  • Ebook Updates: Ya, nothing to see here. That line on my daily To Do List has remained un-checked for days & days now. 
  • Looking forward to (scene): I think, fingers crossed, I'm finally going to get around to taking some new photos. 
  • Looking forward to (vanilla): I did get some of the work I had planned for the garden done when the weather cooperated for 1 minute the other day. Looks like it's going to rain forever now. No pony riding, and no digging in the dirt until it stops. I may build a fire in the fireplace one last time tonight though, it's really not chilly enough to justify it but I'm going to miss it over the summer. 

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Some Random Tuesday...

It was a relatively quiet week in the studio last week, but I've been clicking away in the virtual dungeon. I did have a great session with the Took-10-Years-subbie mentioned in last Monday's post. Want to hear about it? My secretary slave did beg & plead, as directed, for me to share photos. I didn't end up taking any though, so his whimperings will go unrewarded.
Let's start with how does one take 10 years to be seen in person. Well one schedules a session on a Tuesday in 2007, and gets a flat tire in route to the session. One then emails Mistress apologizing profusely and sends a very generous apology gift. Mistress accepts the apology & the gift, and sub remains a member of Mistress's mostly defunct yahoo group. Shortly thereafter, Mistress moves far, far away with little intention of ever coming back to New England. Seven or eight years go by where Mistress does occasionally say hello to her subbie friends in aforementioned yahoo group. Then one Thursday Mistress announces she has temporarily returned to New England, southern Maine specifically, and she'd love to see some of the subbies if they're still hanging around. Then as fate would have it, a year later Mistress announces that she is indeed staying in New England after all and she returns to central Massachusetts. It would still take another year before Mistress found an acceptable dungeon space in Rhode Island, then a puppy would need an emergency trip to the vet on the day of the scheduled session. Finally, tires, geography, schedules & puppies would all get on the same page and last Tuesday; ten years later, let's call him sub q, would find himself on his knees in my dungeon.
Sub q arrived with a wrapped gift for Mistress. Let me share a little insider info here. I am always in a good mood when I am about to session. My get ready ritual lets me forget all about all things vanilla. When my sub is at the door, I am pausing a favorite song, taking a last look that everything is in its place & I am ready. A subbie bearing a gift though takes me from a good mood to a great mood. It doesn't have to be extravagant, a simple gift conveys that the sub is thoughtful and willing to go a little further to ensure a great experience.
My playlist for the few last weeks at the dungeon has been: Hozier, Take Me to Church, Milky Chance, Stolen Dance, George Ezra, Budapest, Prince, Adore and Neil Patrick Harris, Origin of Love. Go ahead, find them on Youtube. That is the right soundtrack to take one through undressing in front of a stranger and all that will follow. A stranger with blond hair down to her waist, a waist that's cinched to breathlessness in a black corset, who's  delicate feet are encased in silky stockings and who's toes are painted a vibrant blue. Undress, fold your clothes neatly and place them on this chair. You will be told to do it again if you did a sloppy job or if you're shoes aren't squared up and tucked under the chair. You will stand where I tell you and allow me to inspect you. I will look you over, my gaze is piercing but distant. Do I like what I see? You won't know. I will run my hands over you, at times massaging, grasping, my nails might trace a spot, I might tickle. I will do whatever I wish, and I will gauge your responses. I will stand too close to you. You might feel my breath or my hair on your neck or at your ear. And still, I am watching you, taking notes of your responses. No two sessions are the same, and this is where they diverge into their unique rhythm.  (Please note: , I won't actually share the details of a specific session without enthusiastic consent from the sub, so this isn't an actual recap of last Tuesday.)  Here is where one might find themselves blindfolded and being lead around the dungeon, watch your toes. Or if I suspect you will be a vocal sub, you may find yourself gagged. Oh, I still expect you to make noise. I expect you to say "garble, garble, yes Ma'am" whenever you are prompted. My favorite ball gag went missing so I may use one of my used stockings. If a flogging is to take place it will probably start during Stolen Dance, and continue through Budapest. If you are blindfolded for it, I am dancing through it. You can tell, the floggers will change tempo with the music. You will feel me step closer, my body move against yours. Sometimes my subs have requested tokens, marks and bruises, mementos of our time together. If this is one of those special treats for me, I will tuck the red and black suede floggers away and reach for the super stiff, long, purple leather flogger, the shorter black rubber flogger that feels like it was cut from floor mats, and the silver handled, thick, black leather that was a gift crafted for me by Master Paine. These are not supple. They will never be 'broken in'. I have many toys that will bring pain. Some that may be argued bring it more effectively or more precisely than this trio. But these are fun for me. The weight of each feels right in my hand. They each sing with a different rustle and whistle.  The purple will leave long trails across your thighs. I will likely use the rubber on your shoulders. The shorter tails lets me come in close without fear of wrap-around accidentally marking your face. The silver handled leather, if you've agreed, will stripe your bottom like a zebra or make a cross hatch that I can play tic-tac-toe on with my lipstick. And when you are breathless, when you have endured, but you can not take another moment, you might be rewarded. Maybe Mistress will let you collapse at her feet. Let you thank me. Let you massage my feet. Maybe Mistress will rub oil into your welts, it will feel both refreshing and throbbing. Mistress will bring you back to reality slowly but completely.  I will allow you however much time you need to come down before sending you back to the real world. I will see you to the door and you will know that you pleased me.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Language Part 2: The Modifiers

This is actually the list I had in mind when I wrote part one, which can be found here. These are the words I think many newcomers misunderstand. Personally, at least once a week, I receive an email from someone who misunderstood one or more of these terms. This wouldn't be a big deal. I enjoy sharing the scene with newcomers, and I am patient and polite when I point out what they missed. But about 50% of the time, the newbie becomes aggressive and rude. As if it is my fault that they are mistaken or that I owe them some accommodation that matches what they expected.  These are some of the words that modify any of the titles from the previous list.

  • Lifestyle:  This is an often misunderstood word.  It seems many assume a lifestyle player lives their chosen role at all times. Some do, in my experience, the majority do not. (as an aside, Total Power Exchange or 24/7 are two terms that are more appropriate for someone living the lifestyle full time.) The term lifestyle more accurately means a person who is experiencing or participating in something Scene related in a personal, as opposed to professional, capacity. Just like any relationship, there may be gifts given, but it is not primarily a service being provided for compensation. 
  • Professional, Pro-Dom/me, Pro-sub, Pro-Switch: A professional is a person who is financially compensated for their specialized service. Now as a professional dominatrix I believe I have a responsibility to maintain standards one would expect from any professional. Such as; returning calls in a timely manner, starting appointments on time, using quality tools, maintaining a clean workspace, and staying abreast of current standards in my profession. But none of those qualities are promised simply because one states that they are a professional. Have you ever seen a doctor who has horrific bedside manner? You may opt not to use their services again, but their poor business practices does not negate that they are a professional and that they provide their service for a fee. It is the same for a professional dominant, they provide their service for a fee. 
  • Fem-Dom, Femdom, Femdomme: These terms or variations of them, are occasionally used to simply imply a female dominant; but more commonly they mean a specific style of domination, that is female supremacy domination. Femdom, or female supremacy, is a subset of the scene. The players may enjoy any or all of the other fetishes within the scene, but they do so from a point of view of serving or being a superior female. 
  • Fin-Domme, Financial Domination: It seems many newcomers, or at least the newcomers that contact me, believe this term to be interchangeable with 'professional". It is not.Financial domination is a specific fetish where the submissive wishes to be financially controlled by the dominant. They may fantasize about being financially ruined, about being blackmailed, they may fancy themselves a benefactor to their dominant or any one of an infinite variety of fantasies. Even though by definition the submissive is giving the dominant cash and/or gifts, it is not necessarily professional domination. The monetary aspect is the fetish, it is not compensation for a service. Many financial submissives do not want any 'service' for their gifts, and many financial dominants do not provide any service beyond a link to their wishlist. It is as valid a fetish as any other, and I assign no judgment to those that engage in it. At this time it is not a primary interest of mine nor do I offer financial domination as a stand-alone fetish. In other words, I will see a sub who lists fin domme as one of many scene interests, and I will decline those who only seek to be financially dominated. 
  • Hooker with a Whip: I really do not care for this term, as there is an inherent component of judgment in it. The term has been around for as long as I have been in the scene and I assume much longer than that. It persists, I guess because it easily conveys the type of provider it refers to. As the name implies it is a provider who offers the services one typically expects from a prostitute and also some fetish component. There seems to be an assumption that escorts who offer fetish services may have unsafe practices that they may be scamming subs or setting them up for some nefarious act. Perhaps some also feel that their existence leads to newbies expecting professional dominants to offer services that on a whole Pro Dominants do not provide.  They may very well be, I do not feel that is any of my business. When I get inquiries for services I do not provide, whether that is a request for sex or a request for fetish I do not engage in, I simply tell the inquirer they would be best served by looking elsewhere. While I feel compassion for anyone who has been taken advantage of or harmed while engaged in BDSM play, each player in the scene is responsible for mitigating the potential for harm to themselves. Being inclined to be submissive does not excuse one from being responsible for their own safety. 
As I stated in part one, the definitions offered are my understanding of these terms as a professional dominatrix and lifestyle player. Some may have other meanings in subsets within the BDSM scene or in different regions. If you hear a term being used in a context that you don't understand, politely ask for clarity. 
Is there a term I missed? One you think is especially important for newcomers? Please leave a comment and I may address it in a future entry.