Another Round of Q&A

  Today we venture back to Mistress's studio to find Mistress Cassidy. Mistress has agreed to answer some more questions for us. The topic today is about general BDSM practices. In future Q and A's, if Mistress permits me, I would like to focus on just one topic. That way the people coming into the scene can benefit form Mistress Cassidy's experience. Also, keep an eye out for my blunder. Even with just asking questions a slave can get into trouble. I better get this started before Mistress decides to snap her whip

Could Mistress describe for those new to the scene, what is wax play?I would put wax play under the umbrella of sensory play. Wax play might take the form of simply dripping candle wax from a low-temp burn candle onto a partner's or one's own skinor it could be an elaborate scene of layering waxes, that one might sculpt, carve, peel or whatever your wicked imagination can come up with.


What are sounds?

 Urethra sounds are wands/rods that are inserted into the urethra. They should be medical grade stainless steel and properly sterilized between use or disposable catheters may be used. 

When you watch a BDSM scene on a video clip, when a sub is being flogged the motion of the flogger looks like it is only lightly caressing the sub. Is there a level of pain and discomfort for the sub during these punishments? 
 Floggers are made out of many materials from tickling fur to biting stiff leather. There are many ways to swing a flogger and a whole body's worth of places to land the swing.  I don't know what flogging movies you have viewed so I can't speak to what the sub may have been experiencing. My go-to floggers are a pair of red and black suede floggers with weighted handles. I have been swinging this specific set for at least a decade now, so they are well broken in. I can swing these so they don't touch the sub's skin but simply cause a stir of the air, I can caress like a massage with them, I can do thuddy, rhythmic flogging or I can cause welts with them. I often use them in one hand, doubling the impact. I sometimes hold them above a sub's flesh & just shake them so they tickle the sub. When I do two-handed flogging I might swing them in unison, I might do an alternating swing or if I am feeling particularly rhythmic I might do one forward & one back- I often goof this up after a half dozen swings though. I have several floggers. I have mentioned a few of my other favorites in previous entries. I have a short, maybe 15" stiff rubber that seems to have been made from the same material as a car floor mat. Again, a soft swing will just make a thuddy impact. A swing with some weight behind it will bring welts. I have a super stiff purple leather, that's around 30"s and I would love it except it has a less than comfortable handle. A heavy swing with that will break the skin. Then I have my silver handled weighted, black leather that has 24" or so fells. The handle is very comfortable, and it will also break the skin. I have paracord floggers, I had a beaded flogger- not sure what happened to that now that I am thinking of it. I have latex floggers in a range of lengths, including 6" nipple teasers. Material & swing determine how it feels against the skin. 
   

In a BDSM scene, do some dominants actually use bull whips, cattle prods, and shock collars? Or is that a myth?

 Some dominants use bullwhips. Some use cattle prods. Some use shock collars. At one time I owned an elastarator (gizmo used to castrate goats & cattle), and I used that several times before becoming annoyed with always dropping the itty bitty elastics all over my space & retiring the piece. I have never used a bullwhip, cattle prod or shock collar in a scene. My space is not big enough to use a bullwhip in, and I do not know a qualified user to tutor me in proper use. I imagine cattle prods & shock collars are probably similar to using a TENs unit, but I do not have any personal experience with either.
Have you ever heard of the term pervertable? And if you have, could you tell the new people to the scene what it means?
 A pervertable is a vanilla item that can be used as a kink item. I have a pair of paper holders, I suppose they were intended to hold phone messages or something like that- alligator clips on a spiral of wire attached to a weighted base. Since I use them to clip nipples, we could say that they are a pervertable. A feather duster is a pervertable, a leather belt is a pervertable. There is a song from a kid show that's name is escaping me that features a song called "Anything Can Be a Bookmark" and the lyrics go on to suggest you can use all sorts of things including your grandma as a bookmark. It's quite silly, but just as anything can be a bookmark, anything can be a pervertable. 

For newbies among us. Is there a difference between Femdomme and serving a Mistress?

There is or there isn't based on what the terms mean to the person using them. A Mistress may or may not be a professional Mistress, a Femdomme may or may not be a professional Domme/Dominatrix. One might serve, see or session with either or with a woman who identifies herself as one or the other. Femdomme sometimes means dommes who enjoy a female supremacy style of sessioning.

What is a Findomme, is it a fetish with fish, or a preference to dommes from Finland? ;)

Edit: I remember when I was responding to this Q&A with slave allan. I was in an incredibly cranky mood. I think that contributed to the less than complete response here. A findomme is also a specific fetish. From what I understand as it is not really a type of play I engage in, it is typically strictly about an exchange of money or gifts. The sub enjoys gifting, indulging, perhaps providing for his dominant and his dominant enjoys receiving. But it is also, incorrectly I might add, used as I described below. /End edit 

A Findomme is an (IMO) stupid word someone coined to described a professional dominant woman, aka a woman who charges you to beat your ass. While some women seem to embrace the term, and that's their prerogative, I find it silly at best. Forevermore I'm going to think of a Finish Domme with a Fish thanks to your question. I prefer the term professional, and the average person shouldn't have such a difficult time understanding that professional means one who is compensated for their service. But yet every day I encounter a new newbie who has to have that explained to him, who then often tosses an "Oh you're just a Findomme then and it's all about the money for you" at me. It's late now, I am overtired we may edit this before publication. But you touched a pet peeve of mine. Does the average dude believe that they can contact a stranger, include a dick pic and ask her to truss him up like the Christmas goose and light his ass on fire and that the average woman is going to jump at such a glorious opportunity? And if the average dude knows women who would, he should contact those women & not me. It is not "all about the money", what a ridiculous accusation; but I know of no one who loves their job so much that they do it for strangers for free. I love what I do as much if not more than any of my friends seem to love their job, it is completely reasonable that one of the reasons I love it is because I am compensated very well to do it.  ( I am pleased to say that slave allan was not punished for making Mistress think of a Finish domme with a fish)

What would you say was the most interesting thing you ever did to a sub with ice.
 The most interesting things I have done with ice specifically have been during my personal time not during a session. I have a bit of a thing for ice, I think I forgot to mention that a few Q&As back when you asked about my fetishes. I guess I have done a thing or two with ice in sessions that I suppose is interesting in their own right. I will use ice and my hot stones during a sensory scene.  I have slipped ice into the plastic-wrapped subbie burrito. I have fed bound subs ice when they seem to be overheating. 


I don't know if you're a cold weather girl? Have you ever done an outside winter scene with a sub?
 I am very much a cold weather woman. Also don't refer to me as a girl again. If I opt to on occasion that is my prerogative; you will remember I am an adult, your superior and your owner. I have not actually done any outdoor winter scenes. While I love outdoor play, it is especially challenging. I think it is in very poor taste to expose others who have not consented to be part of your scene to session activities, even if one is very covert about it. Finding a place that one can reasonably expect will be free from mundane by-standers is a challenge on its own, finding an accessible spot in poor weather is more so. 

(I am very sorry Mistress, for displeasing you by me referring to you as a girl)

Other than the obvious, is there very much difference between a male and female session?Truthfully I have not had a session with an AFAB (assigned female at birth) woman professionally. I have had a limited number of couples session with me over the years. In my experiences with couples, it has been that the male partner was the primary submissive and the female partner either wished to learn a specific skill and/or wished to witness her partner's session. So even in my experience with couples, I have not really played with a female submissive professionally. Women, in my experience, do not seek professional scenes. I am sure the biggest reason for that is women seldom have a hard time finding a partner who will say that they will accommodate their interests. Which I think is in a way unfortunate, and likely leads to submissive women having much less than ideal experiences with partners of various skill levels before finding a skilled partner that they also connect with.  I wish that more women viewed their fantasy life in the same light they view their other personal needs. I don't think anyone would consider seeing a professional masseuse, for example, inappropriate while in a relationship with someone capable of rubbing their shoulders. While a massage is an intimate experience, no one would think if it as cheating or straying to see a professional when one needs the skill level of a professional.On your FetLife profile, you have pictures of some custom made collars. How would an individual be able to acquire one?

 Those are collars made by Master Paine, who I have mentioned a few times here. If one was interested in a custom collar or other leather piece, they should let me know & I will relay the information. Master Paine has a vanilla life too and I am not at liberty to give his contact info to strangers. 
Post editting note: Master Paine has now, finally, set-up a Fetlife profile. He can be found their under the handle "MisterPeterPain". 
  This is a shout out for Kinky Social at http://www.kinky-social.com/user/MistressCassidy  Are you enjoying the site?

I am. I love Fetlife, I have been a member there for many years. But right now on Kinky-Social, as a new site, it is pretty quiet when I visit. If I want to post a blog entry or comment on another's post I can do so without being interrupted by private messages. I am certain that soon enough that will change as the site gains momentum, but for now, I will enjoy the quietness.What is the name of your website again, for a first-time fan? 
cassidycream.comOnce again it has been a pleasure having Mistress Cassidy enlighten us with her knowledge of BDSM. Please make a point of visiting her profile on both Kinky Social and FetLife and say hello. Just remember, if you wish for Mistress to continue contacting you please always be polite and respectful and that will help. I am leaving Mistress's studio almost unscathed today. I must never refer to Mistress with anything less than a woman. Not with a girl, never never again. If anyone has any ideas for future topics, please let Mistress Cassidy know, and if you ask nicely enough she might put you in contact with me, so I can include your query in a future Q and A. 

Some Random Tuesday...

It was a relatively quiet week in the studio last week, but I've been clicking away in the virtual dungeon. I did have a great session with the Took-10-Years-subbie mentioned in last Monday's post. Want to hear about it? My secretary slave did beg & plead, as directed, for me to share photos. I didn't end up taking any though, so his whimperings will go unrewarded.
Let's start with how does one take 10 years to be seen in person. Well one schedules a session on a Tuesday in 2007, and gets a flat tire in route to the session. One then emails Mistress apologizing profusely and sends a very generous apology gift. Mistress accepts the apology & the gift, and sub remains a member of Mistress's mostly defunct yahoo group. Shortly thereafter, Mistress moves far, far away with little intention of ever coming back to New England. Seven or eight years go by where Mistress does occasionally say hello to her subbie friends in aforementioned yahoo group. Then one Thursday Mistress announces she has temporarily returned to New England, southern Maine specifically, and she'd love to see some of the subbies if they're still hanging around. Then as fate would have it, a year later Mistress announces that she is indeed staying in New England after all and she returns to central Massachusetts. It would still take another year before Mistress found an acceptable dungeon space in Rhode Island, then a puppy would need an emergency trip to the vet on the day of the scheduled session. Finally, tires, geography, schedules & puppies would all get on the same page and last Tuesday; ten years later, let's call him sub q, would find himself on his knees in my dungeon.
Sub q arrived with a wrapped gift for Mistress. Let me share a little insider info here. I am always in a good mood when I am about to session. My get ready ritual lets me forget all about all things vanilla. When my sub is at the door, I am pausing a favorite song, taking a last look that everything is in its place & I am ready. A subbie bearing a gift though takes me from a good mood to a great mood. It doesn't have to be extravagant, a simple gift conveys that the sub is thoughtful and willing to go a little further to ensure a great experience.
My playlist for the few last weeks at the dungeon has been: Hozier, Take Me to Church, Milky Chance, Stolen Dance, George Ezra, Budapest, Prince, Adore and Neil Patrick Harris, Origin of Love. Go ahead, find them on Youtube. That is the right soundtrack to take one through undressing in front of a stranger and all that will follow. A stranger with blond hair down to her waist, a waist that's cinched to breathlessness in a black corset, who's  delicate feet are encased in silky stockings and who's toes are painted a vibrant blue. Undress, fold your clothes neatly and place them on this chair. You will be told to do it again if you did a sloppy job or if you're shoes aren't squared up and tucked under the chair. You will stand where I tell you and allow me to inspect you. I will look you over, my gaze is piercing but distant. Do I like what I see? You won't know. I will run my hands over you, at times massaging, grasping, my nails might trace a spot, I might tickle. I will do whatever I wish, and I will gauge your responses. I will stand too close to you. You might feel my breath or my hair on your neck or at your ear. And still, I am watching you, taking notes of your responses. No two sessions are the same, and this is where they diverge into their unique rhythm.  (Please note: , I won't actually share the details of a specific session without enthusiastic consent from the sub, so this isn't an actual recap of last Tuesday.)  Here is where one might find themselves blindfolded and being lead around the dungeon, watch your toes. Or if I suspect you will be a vocal sub, you may find yourself gagged. Oh, I still expect you to make noise. I expect you to say "garble, garble, yes Ma'am" whenever you are prompted. My favorite ball gag went missing so I may use one of my used stockings. If a flogging is to take place it will probably start during Stolen Dance, and continue through Budapest. If you are blindfolded for it, I am dancing through it. You can tell, the floggers will change tempo with the music. You will feel me step closer, my body move against yours. Sometimes my subs have requested tokens, marks and bruises, mementos of our time together. If this is one of those special treats for me, I will tuck the red and black suede floggers away and reach for the super stiff, long, purple leather flogger, the shorter black rubber flogger that feels like it was cut from floor mats, and the silver handled, thick, black leather that was a gift crafted for me by Master Paine. These are not supple. They will never be 'broken in'. I have many toys that will bring pain. Some that may be argued bring it more effectively or more precisely than this trio. But these are fun for me. The weight of each feels right in my hand. They each sing with a different rustle and whistle.  The purple will leave long trails across your thighs. I will likely use the rubber on your shoulders. The shorter tails lets me come in close without fear of wrap-around accidentally marking your face. The silver handled leather, if you've agreed, will stripe your bottom like a zebra or make a cross hatch that I can play tic-tac-toe on with my lipstick. And when you are breathless, when you have endured, but you can not take another moment, you might be rewarded. Maybe Mistress will let you collapse at her feet. Let you thank me. Let you massage my feet. Maybe Mistress will rub oil into your welts, it will feel both refreshing and throbbing. Mistress will bring you back to reality slowly but completely.  I will allow you however much time you need to come down before sending you back to the real world. I will see you to the door and you will know that you pleased me.