This post is bound to become more personal than I am typically comfortable sharing in my online BDSM life. In my vanilla world, both online and in person, I am quite at home discussing either. But again, this is new territory for me here, and before we begin, let me also say when I have finished I do not intend to revisit these topics, at this depth, here.
It was suggested to me that my last post,
Saturday Confessionals, was bigoted and anti-Catholic.
In the real world, I lean extremely left. I am a progressive, liberal, life-long, New England, Democrat. And more than any of that, I try very hard to not just talk the talk, but to walk the walk. To be consistent in my beliefs, to not be an armchair activist but to, in my way, live my beliefs. When I hear statements like, PC culture is the problem with society, my response is typically, is there really such a thing as too much kindness? Because that's what being politically correct translates into for me. Avoiding language that is hurtful to others, affirming with my words my trust in the lived experiences of others.
To hear that I made statements that another found bigoted, was to say the least, jarring for me. In the real world, I have had occasions when I have been 'called out'. It's uncomfortable. I think anyone's natural inclination is to defend themselves, but I never want to miss an opportunity for growth as a person. So I do my best to quiet the voice that wants to defend and instead listen to the person calling me out. I ask myself, where are they coming from. Almost always I am able to quickly see, that on whatever subject is being debated, they have more experience than I with the subject. They are challenging my theory,opinion or action, with their lived experience. When I am able to see that, it is no longer difficult to recognize that your life experience trumps opinion as an observer. I am able to offer a sincere apology, and to go forward incorporating what I have learned into my life.
This didn't happen in the real world though. This happened in the space I see as my private world. I think I have used language like that to describe my bdsm life here before. My website, blog, playspace, persona; my vanilla life encompasses all of this and my scene life is a part of my vanilla life but my scene world is my sanctuary. Being called out in my sanctuary, was a new experience for me.
And in this case, I wasn't being called out for something that I didn't have my own lived experience with, I am a former Catholic. The inspiration for Saturday Confessional was taken directly from my experience as a Catholic. I have not professionally offered religious themed play before, but I was entertaining adding it. Saturday Confessions was to be a testing of the waters.
I was called out for making the statement "...recovering Catholic". Recovering being insensitive on two front perhaps. Insensitive to those working the 12 Steps, and coupled with Catholic being hateful to Catholics. More sharing I wouldn't have intended to do here if not for this experience. I am the daughter of an alcoholic. My father's 1 year old death certificate states as cause of death "complications of abuse of ethanol alcohol". I know the language of the 12 Step world, far more fluently than I would wish to.
The second thing I was called out for was the inclusion of the meme at the end. It states, "I thank God I was raised Catholic so sex will always be dirty". I included it in part because it seemed funny, but also because I think the concept is one that many former or current Catholics, might identify with. It is certainly a concept I can identify with. I no longer think sex is dirty. I no longer think my sexuality is wrong, bad, dirty, or sinful. But I regularly engage in several activities that I was taught would absolutely lead to eternal damnation if not confessed and forgiven. I masturbate, and I love it. I don't know that I have ever said that out loud just like that, well June is pride month- go me. I have never entered into the bond of matrimony, legally or in the church. And I enjoy a healthy, normal, adventurous sex life with my life partner. I am pan-sexual. I fantasy about women, men, women dressed as men, men dressed as women and beautiful androgynous people like David Bowie and Boy George. I am a professional dominatrix. I am both an instrument and a conductor of others exploration of their fantasies. Each of those statements bring me joy now. Because therapy, self-work, soul searching, and education helped me get past the time when any of those statements brought shame, fear, and self-loathing.
Insulting the religious beliefs of others is wrong. I believe that. Sharing your experience and critical critique of an institution is not wrong. It may even be a kindness to others who have lived that experience to be affirmed in their experience. Recovery is an incredibly difficult, ongoing, lifelong process. To make light of that, is unkind and dismissive to those who have or are navigating that path. Being politically correct is sometime difficult, and requires ongoing self-examination. But I do not believe that the problem with society is that we show too much kindness, so the work is worth it. I am sorry that I made statements that are dismissive to practicing Catholics and those in recovery.
Saturday Confessionals is suspended while I contemplate if I am comfortable continuing it.
