Clerks and Clients

Dominatrix Log Day 111:  I have been here, in paradise, for so long. The weather is always perfect. When it rains it rains hard, with a roaring sound track and an explosive light show. Save an occasional gentle rain, which is just as wonderful. Peaceful, cleansing, it inspires one to whisper. When the sun is out, it is loud and proud.  Over all summaration, it is nearly perfect. It lacks only in inhabitants. Aside from the small ones I brought with me, it would seem that paradise is populated exclusively with clerks and clients. 

Indulge my silliness, I saw my friends yesterday. I returned to my tribe yesterday. My soul was fed, and I overindulged in revisiting happy memories and imagining future adventures. 

For those who's playbill may not include the first acts, Mistress Cassidy left Massachusetts about 9 months ago. I returned to Richmond, a place where I lived before and never wished to leave. The space with the highest concentration of the people I love. The location itself is insignificant to me although as settings go I like it well enough. Culture, art, and the comfort of familiarity. It's only flaws are that it is too far from the ocean, and it required more energy than reasonable to rebuild my business. It could be done. The BDSM community in general is strong. Those who would engage with a professional though are shy. They are understandably leery of a new domme in an area that has been without one of note for so long. There is much I love about Richmond, but the voluminous nature of my responsibilities dictates that I do not have the luxury of patience while rebuilding my business. In February I revisited my business plan. I looked at the projects I had underway with my partners.I sought the council of my accountant and of my business mentor. I did not ask the opinions of my friends in Richmond or Massachusetts. I knew what their opinions would be, and I knew that neither was on the table. Massachusetts for me has financial security and puts my safety at risk. Richmond has emotional support and financial devastation. Push the last of the chips all in, go closer to the ocean and to a larger potential client base. I am reminded every day and give thanks every evening that I made the right choice. 

I love it here. My complex is beautiful, and secure. The vanilla things I require, a good library, museums, and an Asian market where I can access my unconventional culinary choices, are here in abundance. Asian markets, for those not in the know, are Whole Foods produce with WalMart price tags. If one sustains themself on bone broth & bee pollen, one should find an Asian market. Thank you for following me on this little side path, it isn't crucial to the story but nutrition is another of Mistress Cassidy's passions. 

I love it here. My business is seeing amazing growth. Pacing how to expand, while maintaining balance between career & personal life, will require thought to navigate. Sometimes I am inclined to say a thing is tricky to navigate. Tricky is a fave word of Dahlia's, navigate is a fave of my own. Yet here, the navigation isn't tricky it just requires thoughtfulness. Intelligence, experience, and commitment, in the scene, in business and to my personal responsibilities; the people in my life bring these things in abundance. How blessed and fortunate am I.

About a week ago I was bemoaning to my top that I hadn't spoken to a person in real life who wasn't a clerk or a client since Dahlia headed back to New England a month ago. My clients are wonderful, interesting and engaging people. However, it would be completely inappropriate to share with them the funny thing that happened at the butterfly park the other day. Clerks in the south (among the many reasons I love living right here where the Mason-Dixon line bisects the nation) are so welcoming. It is completely appropriate to hold up a line to share the funny photo from the park. Yet completely inappropriate to ask the clerk of your Asian market if she thinks the short or long grain rice would be more uncomfortable to kneel on if one were trying to break a wiggly submissive of his wiggling tendencies. Go figure.  

Yesterday I spent time with my tribe. Park day plans were made. The subtle difference between the definitions of gender fluid and gender non-conforming were thoughtfully debated.  I could switch gears between sharing recipes that one can work chia seeds into, and the stories from my double with Mistress Lady X last week, smoothly and effortlessly. (Sidenote for the voyeurs in the room:  I may share aforementioned stories on Fetlife once I verify consent. Watch for them.) My boi gave me my Christmas present. He cross-stitched this for me. 

I saw my tribe yesterday. I affirmed that every single thing I need for my personal wellness and my professional success is right here. Easily accessible, and ready to be engaged. 

Welcome to Paradise. Visits are by invitation only, and at my discretion. Your submission and servitude will determine how pleasurable your experience will be.  Now on your knees so the festivities may begin. 

Voyeuristic Thursday: 10 Weeks of Self-Inflicted Punishment

A kind and patient Mistress Cassidy

The following is slave allan's assignment from last week. If you missed my post last Thursday, his assignment was late, leaving Mistress to write her own post for Thursday at 3 in the morning. On the one hand, allan failed to complete a task by a specific deadline, and he failed to ask for an extension. I am a rather indulgent top. I said that to a very good friend of mine the other day, while her and I do not have a dynamic, she is active in the scene and knows me better than most. She laughed when I said I was indulgent. You cowered before me,I was frightening. <--- my favorite scene from my favorite movie, 100 cool points to whomever identifies it. I send candy to a little who is not My little because it warms my heart when she asks for more spankies please. I take calls from My Hazey kitten at 6 AM, that are not emergencies even after she has been told emergency calls only at that hour. If slave allan had simply asked for an extension, if he had even messaged me within say an hour of the deadline and explained what had happened, I would have said I understand. I would have said that it was OK allan, tend to your responsibilities and I hope you're not too uncomfortable after your procedure. I would have made a note to Myself to follow up and ask allan how he was feeling on Friday. I am typing this on that Friday, it will be next Thursday when this posts. How are you feeling slave?  Perhaps my indulgent nature is not appreciated because it has been awhile since I shared how strict I am in public. At parties we see Mistress Cassidy massage guests with Dreamer and Dancer, the volume seldom going past a moderate 6. On CB we hear Mistress patiently explain to would be subbie boys, please don't use dismissive terms like sweetie to compliment a top, Goddess is more appropriate and My Goddess is not if I haven't claimed you. I am so patient, how do you not know that? On the other hand, allan failed to complete a task. No further explanation or justification is needed for what comes next. 

slave you will not be released from your task. Your task is being expanded. You will continue to give yourself 5

 Mistress having far more fun 

whacks, once a week, on the same day. You are to pick a day and tell me via email within an hour of reading this. If you find you can not complete your task on the day you choose you are to send me an email explaining why and ask permission to swap days. (That should have been understood without me needing to explain that allan) And you will now do 10, You will first do 5 on the spot you last used, and then 5 more on a new spot. Are these written directions clear enough? If for example the last week you gave yourself 5 on your right inner thigh, this week you are to do 5 on your right inner thigh again and then 5 on say your left upper arm. The following week you would begin with your upper arm and then 5 on a fresh spot. You are then to send me an email with THREE sentences only. The post below, while it is very well written allan, it does illustrate that you still have not heard me when I say you need to be more concise. The 3 sentences will 1. verify the task was completed, 2. state where you delivered these slaps, and 3. one statement of your thoughts. You will be released from this task when I feel like releasing you, if ever. Do not ask to be excused from it again. 


Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack is a familiar sound to me. Five whacks applied to my inner thigh with a wooden shower brush once every week is the punishment given to me by Mistress Cassidy. Nine times this ritual has played out. This week being the tenth time. Why do I have to do this to myself, one might ask.  For that, there is no one better to tell you why than Mistress Cassidy herself. Here is the link to her post where I was assigned this task.
 http://mistresscassidycreamsmusings.blogspot.com/2018/08/q-tuesday-floggers-and-impact-toys.html

When I started the task I confess I did silently question the punishment. I reread the post because I didn't think I had said something so terribly wrong. Even after rereading the post I said "Really" in my private thoughts. But I did not challenge Mistress's assignment, I just gather up the tools I needed for the task and set myself to it. I stripped completely, pulled on the panties and sat on the edge of my bed. I picked up the brush looked at my target spot and swung. I remember thinking "l know when it is going hit. Where is the anticipation in this? "CRACK" the back of the shower brush connected with flesh. The result was surprising. When the brush first hit I was startled by the noise it made. That commanding thud of the impact and the higher pitch ricochet sound resulting from exploding flesh. I saw my skin turn red and my nerve ending was sending a message to my brain saying "I feel a sting". I brought the brush down equally as hard the second time, having the same reaction and actually saying out loud "Ouch! that hurt". I wimped out on number 3 and more or less just patted the skin. I was afraid of the hit. I immediately felt bad though. As a slave I had a feeling Mistress would disapprove of me holding back. So, on hits 4 and 5 I returned to the intensity of the first two impacts. I marveled at the darkness of the red forming on the impact zone. I then laid back and fought off the urge to brink myself to a release, But I did enjoy the stinging sensation for about 20 minutes before it diminished away. Over the next few weeks, I carried out the routine obediently as a good slave should. At some point, I realized I was looking forward to changing into panties and carrying out my task. I would try every few weeks to change it up and increase the force of the blow. I also started to wonder what it would feel like to strike other areas on my body. I contemplated trying to spank my backside, but I came to a conclusion first. It dawned on me then that I was thinking about this task all wrong. It wasn't a task to get me to like the feeling of spanking myself. No, It was a lesson for me to learn that I chose to be Mistress's slave and in doing so I am to carry out what she demands of me. My servitude is not solely for getting a tickle in my shorts. I knew then and there that I was doing this task, not for sexual gratification. I was spanking my thigh each week so Mistress would be pleased with my effort and hoping in return to hear her say "Good Slave". So for me now as Mistress Cassidy slave, I strive to complete a task not for what reward is in it for me. I complete it because it is what Mistress told me to do, and if she is happy when I am done. Then I did my part right.

 

As for the present task, I have asked Mistress for release from it. You can see the request in her group on FetLife at https://fetlife.com/groups/175329/group_posts/13352079?page=1#group_comment_120208815 Mistress has chosen to have me carry on for now. Tomorrow is a big one for this assignment, it is the tenth week. This time I have been asked to provide pictures of the task while in progress. I also think for week ten I will try an impact or two using the bristle side of the brush. What do you think?

Voyeuristic Thursday: slave allan's reward

You may, as a reward, view up to an hour of adult material of your choosing in the 24 hours following this going live. Note, if you don't see this until it has been live over 24 hours, sorry for your loss the reward will have expired. Also note, what you view will be part of your assignment for next Thursday. So choose a thing you are comfortable disclosing publicly.

Thank you, Mistress, for your reward. I was lucky enough to have read the post before the reward had expired. Being faced with the hard truth that in the near future, when I am once again locked into a contract as Mistress's collared slave. These simple interests are going to be off limits to me. So what do I watch with only one hour that Mistress has granted me? To use a metaphor, I feel as though the virtual collar is on me now. It just doesn't have the virtual lock snapped into place yet. That will come in due time.

Having been given permission to search for adult material. I spent 20 minutes searching Google compiling a library of pictures that I can use in future post for my blog and for Mistress's Q and A. I also like to post pictures on my FL profile. I guess with the ban on adult material, I will have to use something else for pictures once I use up the library. OMG. Mistress it just dawned on me. Will I still be allowed to look into my saved file of images for my blog once I am under contract? I do not have an interest in seeing couples having sex. I prefer teasing pictures. The white feather on one's side or the photo of an ice cube on a defenseless sub's nipple.

Light predicament bondage catches my eye too. The ones where as long as the sub stays on his/her tiptoes. They prevent the endless edging from a vibrator. Or being in the predicament of being tied to a wooden horse. I find myself easily imagining myself as the slave in those pictures. But mostly I enjoy both photos with captions. Or as they are called today, memes. I am particularly fond of femdom, CFNM, and erotic hypnosis caption. I also admire the simple hand-drawn photos. I am astounded how an artist using lines and shading can make a scene jump off the page. Once fully collared these memes will probably be the first violation I will have to confess to. For example, recently I have been searching for memes to send Mistress to help aid her with quitting smoking. But I found myself typing in BDSM Minions. That kind absent mindlessness could find me once again being dressed down on a future Thursday post. Or something worse. So I save several in those first 20 minutes for future use if I am allowed too.

Rationing my remaining time, I decide to listen to one last hypnosis file. I had to forego my favorite file that technically is a JOI theme script. But with my particular male member refusing to make an appearance. I substituted my family jewels to tormenting my nipples. Sadly this file was too long to listen to with my remaining time. So I listened to a 22-minute piece about nipples. In the introduction part the session, the hypnotist claims that with continuous listening my nipples will become the center of my sexual being. It is suggested that I will crave nipple play over any other stimulation. A wonderful thought for someone with E.D. I enjoy listing to the sultry sounding voice and find the piece quite relaxing. As to the claim of making my nipple replace my penis as the central sexual focus on my body is still up for debate.

With only 18 minutes remaining I have two things I want to do. First I want to write a new post on nipple play. Sadly I am having a problem to come up with a theme. Hoping for inspiration I did a Google search. I found one description that sounded promising. It was a 54-minute video clip. Of course, knowing I couldn't watch the full thing so I started leapfrogging through it. Unfortunately, I didn't find any new inspiration for my blog, But the scenes that I did watch were interesting. The clip was not what I call the fluffy production type. This one was rawer. For all, I know it could be a couple who uploaded one of their scenes online. Trying to keep to my interest it was a femdom, CFNM video. In the video I was introduced to a new nipple device that I did not know of. The Mistress called it a nipple stretcher. He being gaged had little to say. These things are about 8 inches long with a metal arch. Through the arch is a threaded rod which is attached to a clover clamp. The slave in the video wore them by have the clamps attached to his nipples, which are stretched by the threaded rod, pulling the device tighter to his chest. Periodically through the video, the Mistress would twist the threaded rod a couple of revolutions pulling the slave's nipples that much more. Oh what a lucky slave.

With only seven minutes remaining, I gave up the video to read a short story I found the internet. This one is a short tale about a newlywed lady who thought she had received a gift from her husband that was away on a business trip. Upon opening the box she discovers a chastity belt. Which is of course equipped with the expected butt plug and vibrator attachments. There is a love note attached saying that if you love me you will wear this for me until I return. And to contact him once she put it on. Excitedly the wife puts the device on and locks it. She then quickly calls and tells her husband that she put it on. But instead of a fun conversation with her lover. She is greeted with an evil laugh from the man that she married. He goes on to tell her that the relationship and marriage were all staged and that she had been selected to becomes a sex slave to this multinational group. She still thinks that he's playing a game until he asked if she read the instructions. She reads a welcoming message to her new life as a slave, followed by a lengthy contract which states that by locking the device she has agreed with the terms of the contract. The story then goes on to tell about her training by what turns out to be a remote control belt at the command of some mystery woman. During the training stage of the story, the slave is taught obedience by receiving multiple hours of edging or forced orgasms by the chastity belt for not complying. The rest of the story is about the different people she's required to submit to.

So that is how I spent the hour that Mistress Cassidy rewarded me with. I am still stuck for an idea to use in a nipple tormenting post for my blog. I am open to suggestions.

Thank you once again, Mistress, for allowing me to be part of your Thursday blog.

Voyeuristic Thursday: slave allan Public Virtual Punishment

It is Sunday, August 12th and Mistress is at Safe Haven enjoying the sounds of another rain storm. I love these moments. I have this odd relationship with time. I am very much an in the moment sort of person, but I also love to reflect and I love to look ahead. Revisit the best, daydream about the future, but I do not get so caught in either that I miss the moment I am in. I love that I am typing on Sunday a thing that will not be seen until Thursday. There's this silly, little risk, what if things do not unfold how you wish. It might be embarrassing. If I say I am going to do a thing and then the thing doesn't happen, I might look like I don't keep my word. I might look like I do not know what I am talking about. Those are not things I take lightly. My word is my wand. My reputation is of the utmost value to me. But you know what? Things typically work out how I wish. I do not enjoy it, but if I have to I can get past being slightly embarrassed, there are far worst things one can be. I know that people who know me know that most of the time, I know what I am talking about. I know myself better than anyone. When this posts, I'll be four days without a cigarette. I haven't yet written the post for tomorrow, Monday. I am contemplating making the announcement in that post. Accountability. I created it already here, but quitting is awful. I did it just a little bit ago. I remember quite clearly where my pitfalls were. Extra accountability won't hurt. Let's see how this unfolds. 

The following is slave allan's response to having been chastised in his last post. He is a good sub, he knows that I recognize how much help he is to me. Yet there are things he could work on, things I need to guide him through. It is a funny thing, he needs to shelf his fantasies to have them. You can not have your cake and eat it too. I never cared for that expression as a child. It seemed stupid, what else would one do with cake? I looked up the history of the expression years ago, when google became a thing. While the expression is in English, a thing is lost in translation of time. It means just what I questioned, it is just said in an archaic way. It should be said something like, one can not eat cake now and also save it for later.  
Slave allan asked for a fantasy to be his new reality. He will have to continuously choose if he wants it now or later. If you missed it, slave allan is a long, long, long distance sub. He can opt to withhold information from me, he can opt to pretend to do at least some of the things I will ask of him. He could opt to pretend to experience his fantasy, or he will choose to actually surrender his ideas and have his fantasy. Will I know the difference? I might. allan and I have been friends for I believe over a year now. He was already my collared long distance sub for several months. I know his writing style well, I may catch changes in it if he were choosing to fake it. But truthfully, I probably won't. If he wished to simply read my instructions, and file them in his- well let's not be vulgar, his ***** bank, he could probably write a convincing enough emails that there wouldn't be a tell. It would be his loss. He asked for real, I will deliver real. If he squanders it that is on him. 

I on the other hand have made my choices. I will always have my cake now. 

Having been dressed down

Hello Mistress Cassidy.
I was not sure whether to directly post this in the comments on your post. Or send it here for you to view before posting it. I finally choose the safest route by sending it here. Once again, Mistress, I give my consent for you to use this for another guest blog posting.

Yes, Mistress, we are crystal clear on where I stand. I wished to be a slave, and a slave I will be. I feel that after reading your blog and your comments I owe you a thank you, Mistress. Not only did you point out a positive point that made me feel proud inside. You also provide a reality check to what I'm getting myself into. You mentioned in a message that you were going to publicly dress me down on your blog. And a scolding you gave me.  The verbal tongue lashing
you provided was probably just as stinging as any lashing I could have received. You are getting through to me Mistress. I am learning. As of now, I am discarding all of my preconceived ideas and fantasies of what a collared slave should be. I plan to take what you are going to teach me and apply it to the process of becoming a better slave. My goal Mistress is to try and get more rewarding praise, than facing another scolding or worse.

I would like to say sorry for asking you to restate what you have offered me. I am extremely proud that you have offered me a collar again. Plus I am deeply humbled by you providing a task-based tribute. It wasn't until I saw it in words (collared, personal submissive) that I understood what you were offering. I will soon be composing another letter proclaiming I would like to wear your collar. Plus preparing myself to sign a slave contract.

No Mistress, I hope you do not reconsider your offer. I wish there was a way for me to convey an image of me on my knees pleading and offering you anything. Just so you wouldn't reconsider. Yes, Mistress. I have not asked about the task I will be doing. I didn't bring them up before because I did not want to bother you by asking about them, and truthfully I was afraid too. I presume we will be talking about them before signing the final contract. As a sub and presumably as a collared slave. I am extremely grateful with how much or how little time you are able to give me. I have to realize that you are a busy woman, and have a business to run. I have read through your template for the slave contract in your previous post, it looks fantastic. It is also an honor that I'm one of the people being considered for the LDR collar. 

I should wrap up with a final thought. Just like an RL slave receiving a flogging, I will take the sting from my verbal flogging, and bask in the knowledge that I have an Owner who cares about me.

Thank you allan. 

Voyeuristic Thursday: slave allan's August Goals

The following is slave allan's assignment for the week. I wish for voyeuristic Thursday to be a thing, and this is my universe so now it is. So add read Mistress Cassidy's blog to your Thursday To Do List. allan's words will be in black, mine will be italicized and in purple, defiant purple. That is an insider joke between my sort of or once was metamour, Miss Sunshyne and I. Perhaps if you beg I might be inclined to share that story another day. 

For the first time in a long time I am sitting at my keyboard typing out
sentences for a topic that I didn't come up with. This time I have a direct
order form Mistress Cassidy, and if I don't want to end up on KP duty. I
better do it. But before I get started. There is something I would like to
say formally.

*Yes!*  Mistress Cassidy. I would like to be your collared slave.

Okay that is one item off the list. You see Mistress has task me with
providing my personal and BDSM goal for the next month. My proclamation was
my foremost goal for both personal and BDSM.

Alright lets start with personal stuff as the appetiser. And keep the BDSM
for the main course, And since losing some weight is always part of my
personal goal. I will have to pass on dessert :)

<Mistress Cassidy opted to edit for privacy>
<Note to slave allan: I have talked to you about that before, I will remind you of where the boundary is on that subject> 

I am blessed to be living halfway between two of Canada's bigger
cities. Both the country's second biggest city Montreal, and the nations
capital, Ottawa, is an hour drive from us. I want to take the family to the
top of Mount Royal in Montreal. Especially at night. The lights of the
city are breath
taking. Staying with Montreal, all hands would enjoy spending time at
the historic Old Port of Montreal. While at the Port I would like to
take everyone
on a Dinner Cruise. That one is a big personal goal.

Now on another day I would like to
pile everyone into the van and visit Ottawa. We would visit the
parliament buildings. While we're on parliament hill we will go up to
the top of The Peace Tower, and if we are lucky, we might even witness
The Changing of the Guard ceremony. I personally want to visit the
newly renovated Museum of Science and Technology. And it wouldn't be a
family trip to Ottawa if we didn't stop at the airport to watch the planes
takeoff and land.

The other thing I want to do is expand on my knowledge of online
commerce. There is money to be made online. <edit>. I didn't do much in the month of
July. This month I want to make time to launch a few ideas that I saw
on YouTube. I have found 2 individual on YouTube that I find genuine and honest.
They both release videos about different sites that they have tried
and made money from. Let me point out these are not pie in sky
opportunities. These are small task jobs that pay you for your work.
For me the amount I earn is based on my efforts, and I want to apply
myself more. So over the next month I want to choose two sites. Learn
how to use them, and see if I can generate some revenue. I also want
to write more content for my BDSM blog and start a vanilla blog about
my journey into the online market. I guess for the next month that's it for
my personal goals.

BDSM goals for the month. I mentioned the most important one at the
beginning of this post. I also want to apply myself more for when
Mistress Cassidy ask me to do some training. There is also the new
contract to take in to account. I need to be ready both mental and
physically whenever Mistress Cassidy present me with it. I want to
find the necklace that represent my collar from my last contract. I
might be required to have it again. Working at improving my
schedule is important. So I can provide Mistress Cassidy time to do
my task-based tribute. And silly me. I can't remember where I hid
those lacey panties.

At one time Mistress and I talked about recording a hypnosis session.
I would like to find out if Mistress still wants to do the recording.
I am not getting myself excited about a hypnosis session. It is summer
time and Mistress is very busy. <edit> A. So after establishing if
Mistress is even still interested. We can figure out when to do a
session. I also need to retrain my mind this next month, to the fact that
I have agreed to become someone's slave. I have to also remember that Mistress
Cassidy will once again be my owner, and I have to obey her. Also this month I
have to practice what I promised in a previous post. I need to stop
fantasizing about
what I believe a collared slave is.

So a lot of this month's goals  are learning how to think like a
collared slave. This is an important goal to remember. I am Mistress's
slave, and my job is to help her,
and to see that she is happy with my efforts. Also before the month
is up. I hope to have replace my thinking, that a punishment is fun. A
punishment comes from making Mistress upset. Which goes against my primary
objective of keeping Mistress happy. I want, to the best of my
abilities to stay away from being punished. I also think this goal is
important. Too enjoy this experience.
<I'd like to state here that this is a thing that is different in an online dynamic than one in real time with me. I believe I have said it here before, I say it in real life often. I do not hurt people out of anger or frustration, I hurt people because I enjoy it. Innocent, non-pathological sadism; armchair self-diagnosis. An online dynamic is different. I have changed my approach to online dynamics, in truth until about 2 years ago I did not engage in virtual domination. One might mistakenly think it is easier than real time play. There's no set up or clean up, and I do appreciate that. Aside from that though, it really is not easier and in some ways it is far more challenging. I can swing a flogger for hours, body after body and dance when I am finished. It is typically 2 days before the adrenaline flood wears off and I need to rest. An online dynamic requires creativity, requires a different type of thought process and presentation to keep both the engagement of my sub and my own. So yes, in virtual play a sub will be punished for disobeying or disappointing me. If I can not have the reward of gifting my sub with a physical experience that I enjoy, then except few if any disappointments and I will take what pleasure I can find via a virtual punishment when there is a need for one.> 
So these are the goals I have to work and improve on over the next
month. Lastly this month I want to plant the seeds to establishing my
true BDSM identity.

Bye

A little wordy slave, but as you didn't have a word limit it is acceptable. Over all a good job allan. By the time this actually publishes I believe you will be locked back into a contract and as you know you will no longer be able to peruse erotica or smut. You may, as a reward, view up to an hour of adult material of your choosing in the 24 hours following this going live. Note, if you don't see this until it has been live over 24 hours, sorry for your loss the reward will have expired. Also note, what you view will be part of your assignment for next Thursday. So choose a thing you are comfortable disclosing publicly.