Hearts and Roses Pt 1

If you follow me on Fetlife (@MistressCassidy) you probably saw my post here. Let's call that a prequel to this entry. I suspect there will need to be an epilogue too. I suspect this going to be verbose, get yourself a beverage. I have been writing this entry for so long.
There is this meme that I see often, I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked wasn't I afraid he may be a serial killer. I said, No, the chances of two serial killers in the same car are astronomical. 
It has become a go-to, inside joke between Dahlia and I. Oh is that another hitchhiker? How big is this car? Is it a bus?
If you read my blog regularly, if we are friends on Fetlife, or if we know each other in real life; I know I am being repetitious to say again, I love the kink community. It is filled with brilliant people, from all walks of life. The conversations that spontaneously erupt are deep, meaningful. People share so much when given a safe space to be heard. I feel an intense loyalty to the people I call my friends in the scene.
If you read my blog, if we are friends on Fetlife, but you do not also know me in real life you may have missed another characteristic of mine. At 46 I am still not sure if it is a weakness, or a strength, but I know it has always been true. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it matches this pair of non-removable rose colored glasses quite nicely. The combination serves me and hurts me in, I think, near equal measure. Growth comes from pain. Even when it hurts, I suppose they still serve me.
I see the best in people. My vision is 20/20, literally & figuratively. I do not miss the broken parts, the ugly parts, the unwell parts of the people I meet; but I also see what is behind those unpleasant bits. I hear their stories. When I hear their stories and I couple them with their broken parts, I can appreciate the parts that are unbroken. You got past this horrible thing, it changed you, but here you are doing your best. I can see your best part. I will tell you what it is, because I have found most people can not see themselves from the angle that I can.
Let's focus on your best parts. Let's let that broken part rest, and heal. That works for a lot of people. Sometimes it doesn't though. Sometimes people want to ignore what is best about themselves and best for them, and instead they stab others with that broken part. I find, for myself, I am always surprised by that choice. It defies logic to me. It seems needlessly complicated to me to harm others when the same energy could heal yourself, and it will probably feel way better. Doesn't everyone want to feel good about themselves? Doesn't everyone want to sleep soundly at night? I saw the broken part, I saw the good parts, and I will always be surprised when people choose to indulge and embrace their worst parts. 
There are amazing people in the community. There are people who harm others in the community.
Who is attracted to being a dominant/top? Those who are naturally leaders. Those who do not shy from taking action and owning the responsibilities for them. Those inclined to teach, to heal and to listen. People who take pride in seeing the success of others. Who else? Ego-maniacs, narcissists, predators, and sociopaths. Sometimes, some people have qualities on both of those lists.  Some of us are trying to be better people and some of us are not.
Bottoms are every bit as complex. Who is apt to identify as submissive? Those who take pride in a finished project. Team players, who stick with a project until the end and those who appreciate clear expectations. Who else? Passive-aggressive types. People that struggle with starting things. Those who have a hard time making choices, and those who have a hard time accepting responsibility for them.  Again, we all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Some of us are willing to do the work, and to accept the pain required to grow; some of us are not.
My rose colored glasses remind me too, that sometimes we are in a place in our journey that we can do these things and sometimes we are not.

It is Still Monday

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hurry Up and Wait

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Quickly

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Reflections and Echoes

It was my intention to post my schedule for my trip today. Well yesterday by the time I wrap this up & post. 
I have committed to dates. I will be heading north in 9 days, on the 10th of February. I will be in New England at least until the 27th. Time will be spent in New Hampshire, central Massachusetts, and Rhode Island, just like the last trip but with a little more thought and logic applied to when I will be where.
I had thought I would share my itinerary here as well. It would, I believe, help me to streamline scheduling if I could post, I will be in Manchester on 2/xx and I have openings from 1p to 6p. 
Safety. I have a directive from my top to maintain my safety. 

When I began dancing at 20, before I went to my first party, I remember feeling so panicked that people would find out I was doing this. I imagined that I would be embarrassed if they did. I worried that maybe my friends would think poorly of me, maybe my family would disown me. I went to my first party, and I knew I had found a thing that was right for me. My concerns about what others might think, gone. If others didn't see how this made me glow. If others didn't see how well it fit my life at the time.  If others didn't respect my autonomy and my ability to make good choices for myself. Well then others didn't know me very well and I would not be stifled by their opinions. 

There were just a couple of spots of concern in my new found, I am the baddest bitch on the planet facet of my personality. My mother was among them. I was a college student and working full-time. I was living in my own home, with my partner and raising a family. I was, in all manner, a responsible adult. And I was 20 years old, I desperately wanted to avoid disappointing my mother.     

My mother's response? Will you be safe? What will you do to insure that you will be safe? Her response was first such a huge relief. Then it gave me pause. I may not have her words verbatim here, but what I typed reflects what she said. Is it safe in general, do you travel with bouncers, or security of some variety. She also conveyed, quite clearly, I was choosing to travel a path outside of the well worn ones, and because of that I was accepting a greater responsibility for my own well-being. 

I have a collection of things I do to mitigate my risks. I do not share them publicly and that too is a safety measure. Many of them are just second nature to me now, and I no longer consciously think about them. Occasionally I recognize a thing that did not occur to me before, and I adjust my strategies accordingly at those times. I take my physical safety seriously, and I am confident in the choices I make regarding it. 

A thing happened, a thing that will not be shared here, but it reminded me that there are other risks beyond physical. Areas where I am perhaps, sometimes, just a little bit reckless. Or if not reckless, comparably less conservative. 

I am confident that sharing my itinerary publicly for this trip would not jeopardize my physical safety. It would make a small thing a bit easier. Having been given this moment to reflect on the other areas that I should tend to with more care, I am not going to give advanced notice of my entire itinerary. My party is on Valentine's Day in Rhode Island. I will be attending one day of the Flea, contact me if you wish to arrange to see me there. If I am attending any other events during this trip, I will rsvp via normal channels. I have a few appointments still available, more or less evenly divided between central Mass, Rhode Island and southern New Hampshire. Which just leaves the matter of my broadcasts...

Did you notice the new feature above? It is still in testing stage. Assuming it performs as expected, which I intend to verify tomorrow evening, when I broadcast it will appear here as well. You can view my public broadcast right here in my blog. If you wish to join the conversation or view my private broadcasts, you will need to follow the link to Chaturbate. I will announce as I always do when I am about to sign on.