Hearts and Roses Pt 1

If you follow me on Fetlife (@MistressCassidy) you probably saw my post here. Let's call that a prequel to this entry. I suspect there will need to be an epilogue too. I suspect this going to be verbose, get yourself a beverage. I have been writing this entry for so long.
There is this meme that I see often, I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked wasn't I afraid he may be a serial killer. I said, No, the chances of two serial killers in the same car are astronomical. 
It has become a go-to, inside joke between Dahlia and I. Oh is that another hitchhiker? How big is this car? Is it a bus?
If you read my blog regularly, if we are friends on Fetlife, or if we know each other in real life; I know I am being repetitious to say again, I love the kink community. It is filled with brilliant people, from all walks of life. The conversations that spontaneously erupt are deep, meaningful. People share so much when given a safe space to be heard. I feel an intense loyalty to the people I call my friends in the scene.
If you read my blog, if we are friends on Fetlife, but you do not also know me in real life you may have missed another characteristic of mine. At 46 I am still not sure if it is a weakness, or a strength, but I know it has always been true. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it matches this pair of non-removable rose colored glasses quite nicely. The combination serves me and hurts me in, I think, near equal measure. Growth comes from pain. Even when it hurts, I suppose they still serve me.
I see the best in people. My vision is 20/20, literally & figuratively. I do not miss the broken parts, the ugly parts, the unwell parts of the people I meet; but I also see what is behind those unpleasant bits. I hear their stories. When I hear their stories and I couple them with their broken parts, I can appreciate the parts that are unbroken. You got past this horrible thing, it changed you, but here you are doing your best. I can see your best part. I will tell you what it is, because I have found most people can not see themselves from the angle that I can.
Let's focus on your best parts. Let's let that broken part rest, and heal. That works for a lot of people. Sometimes it doesn't though. Sometimes people want to ignore what is best about themselves and best for them, and instead they stab others with that broken part. I find, for myself, I am always surprised by that choice. It defies logic to me. It seems needlessly complicated to me to harm others when the same energy could heal yourself, and it will probably feel way better. Doesn't everyone want to feel good about themselves? Doesn't everyone want to sleep soundly at night? I saw the broken part, I saw the good parts, and I will always be surprised when people choose to indulge and embrace their worst parts. 
There are amazing people in the community. There are people who harm others in the community.
Who is attracted to being a dominant/top? Those who are naturally leaders. Those who do not shy from taking action and owning the responsibilities for them. Those inclined to teach, to heal and to listen. People who take pride in seeing the success of others. Who else? Ego-maniacs, narcissists, predators, and sociopaths. Sometimes, some people have qualities on both of those lists.  Some of us are trying to be better people and some of us are not.
Bottoms are every bit as complex. Who is apt to identify as submissive? Those who take pride in a finished project. Team players, who stick with a project until the end and those who appreciate clear expectations. Who else? Passive-aggressive types. People that struggle with starting things. Those who have a hard time making choices, and those who have a hard time accepting responsibility for them.  Again, we all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Some of us are willing to do the work, and to accept the pain required to grow; some of us are not.
My rose colored glasses remind me too, that sometimes we are in a place in our journey that we can do these things and sometimes we are not.