It has always been my intention for this blog to find a rhythm. Of all the things I do as a domme, keeping this blog is among my very most favorite things. Yet like most of my favorite things, it kept finding itself as the last item on my To Do List. I fully understand the juxtaposition that is a top and bottom at play. My subs are in charge, I am responsible. My top creates the perfect illusion that I answer to him so I might justify having, and making time for what I want. But when I am alone, who am I? When who I am is not defined by my relationship to another, who am I? I am in charge and I am responsible. If this is among my favorite things, I will not deny myself the pleasure it brings me. So let's establish the rhythm and keep the beat.
The following is an excerpt, shared with permission, of slave allan's negotiations to a new offer of collaring. slave allan served me well for several months as my long distance, collared submissive. Due to many factors both personal and dynamic in nature he asked to be released in March. Since March he has continued to be a good friend, and a helpful service sub.
Hello once again Mistress
This part of my response is typed in a fashion that if you want to release
it on your blog, you have my consent. I have to admit a quiver ran down my
spine, and I felt like a silly schoolboy, after reading that you were
smiling and giggling as you were typing. Then let's face it my overactive
imagination kicks in. I envision you sitting comfortably at your keyboard
devising plans for scenes, or tasks and mountains of misery with maple
syrup for your collared slave. I also figured that if I returned to the
collar that you would conceive some consequence for me for asking to leave
in the first place. A consequence so amusing for you that it causes you to
giggle.
<There will not be a consequence for asking to be released. I am aware that you experienced tremendous loss by asking to be released. >
I know I am being silly, it's just that my mind keeps conjuring things
up. You also asked the holy grail of question, Do I want to wear your
collar again? To once again be your slave submitting to your training.
Serving for your pleasure. Following the rules set forth in my contract.
Giving up certain privileges like being able to read or view whatever adult
material I please. To again give up my ability to release whenever I wish,
having to return to asking or begging for permission for my release.
Knowing that displeasing behaviors and actions could find me facing a very
mentally or painfully punishment at your hand. To return to a
life of complete obedience. To once again be called the collared slave of
Mistress Cassidy. To this, my reply would be a formal yes Mistress. <edited for excessive words> Primarily this message was to answer the
wearing of your collar question. There is another topic I need to know
before I would sign a contract. You mentioned in your post (I am going to
need you to work on some things though).<another edit> I plead that you will inform me what are these
things you say I have to work on? <and yet another> You use too many words slave.
<edit> As you said we will leave the detail
for a private conversation. So I will present some things here for your
consideration and ultimately your decision and final say on the idea.
Correct me if I am wrong.<I do not need to be told when to correct a slave> A slave is to some extent kept to a
strict sort of structure.<if that is what his/her top wishes> Now I know that you are busy and daily contact
with you is next to impossible. But is it possible to have 1 or 2 schedule
messages a week? <here we are this was the spot I was happy with & wanted to highlight, slave allan articulated what his needs/hopes are, I can now make a decision if I can meet them and decline or counter if I wish>The message could be as simple as (Are you behaving
slave?) Opening my inbox and seeing your name in bold print goes a long
way.<I understand this> I don't have to read the message, <if I take the time to message you, you need to read it as quickly as reasonably possible> just the bold print make me feel
secure and safe. Is that corny? <No allan, it's a normal way for a bottom to feel> There is a place where I need disciplinary
help. There is no denying we are friends and at times I managed to get my
leash long than I deserve. So where am I heading with this? Strict
deadlines. In our LDR physical bondage is for the most part not happening.
So might mental restraint such deadlines replace the physical ones. I
figure a deadline can restrain my mind almost as tight as cuffs on my
wrist. Plus it is a reminder to me that no matter how friendly we are. You
will always be my superior and owner, and no matter how friendly we are,
miss a deadline and my next message from you could be less enjoyable.
This next idea came to me as I am writing this and it leans to me being
control. You have several dominant friends that you trust a lot listed on
your profile. If I had to be in their friends' list, I would then be on
their radar, and if I venture out of my boundaries on Fetlife, one of them
might notice and tell you. <I appreciate the fantasy you are entertaining here allan, but not only no but hell no. It is pretty presumptuous to think my friends would want to keep an eye on you, my friends are as busy as I am & have no contractual or friendship based responsibility to you> Knowing that someone might be watching for you
will keep me on my toes. It just an idea. I also have another idea to
suggest, but it could be an entire post itself. So it can wait for now.
<edit>
Since at the moment I am still a free agent I am able to speak with
slightly more freedom. I hope it is okay that I ask this question. <you may be a free agent, you are still a bottom and not my equal. If you find yourself pondering is it OK to ask this question, you should think on it until you are sure of the answer. You may ask whatever you wish, but if you insult me or annoy me I will dismiss you and be done, do you understand?> Does
Mistress want me wearing her collar? An LDR takes two participants, and as
much as I can say yes to wanting the collar, there is an equal if not more
important opinion that matters. Yours. For me it is simple, I just have to
follow and obey. Which is easier than leading. <you narrowly wiggled through so boundary testing here. I am going to allow it this time because I am feeling oh so generous. And because I am feeling oh so generous I am going to indulge your need for public humiliation. I suspect it will not be such a sexy feeling when I am finished. Do not suggest that you, a player of like a year or two can tell me about what makes a good dynamic or an LDR. Do not ask me to restate a thing I have already stated- ie, I asked you if you wanted my collar back, I acknowledged your value to me and agreed to a task based tribute. Essentially moving you out of client realm and into collared, personal submissive realm. I do not recall hearing a thank you for my offer by the way. Do you want me to reconsider? What does slave allan need to work on if we are going to have a new LDR collared commitment? Well he does always talk about the desire for realness while simultaneously requesting things like can I arrange for beautiful dominant women to cyber stalk him. You are being offered real, you will be shelving your fantasy Rolodex and serving me- full stop. I will give you as much or as little time as I wish, for any reason or no reason at all. It's noteworthy that you have failed to ask what tasks you might be expected to complete for me. It is likely that how much time I have for you will be in some relation to how much of my time you are able to free up for me by completing what I ask of you. But this is not quid pro quo. This is you wish to be a slave, and you accept your station. Are we clear slave?>
I better conclude here, so I can edit this and get it out to you before
time runs out. Whoa. One last thing, a task you assigned at the end of your
last post. Mistress as a sub I want to thank you for pointing out my errors
in my letter and for being merciful and not punishing me for them. I am
also starting to form a phobia to maple syrup :)
Bye
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