My Most Vanilla Friend and I decided back in June or July that this year's Christmas theme would be nutcrackers. If you know me, it won't surprise you that one of the first holiday purchases I made were 2 journals with nutcrackers motifs. One to give my Most Vanilla BFF, and one so I can record every single detail of a most magical holiday season, ever. I even intended to anoint some pages with cinnamon and clove essential oils to create a multi-sensory experience when it is revisited in the future. I pictured myself settling at the end of each day in November and December with Fiona and a cup a hot chocolate to note both the magical and the mundane moments.
The vision was perfect.
We fully committed to a magical holiday season. Christmas 2023 and 2024 sucked pretty hard, I'll trust that I don't need to recap why. Let's stay present, this moment really is a gift. Insofar as having a magical holiday season, it was 100% a success. Jam packed with memorable moments, like a Christmas trivia night, The Nutcracker with my little vanillas and The Slutcracker with my grown vanillas.
Insofar as recording, journaling, immortalizing those moments, perhaps more like a 40%. Eh- better than a zero, right?
I even had this idea that I would tie my vanilla theme of nutcrackers with a CBT kink theme, and that I would share the best scene moments here. I had the most perfect scene with this pain slut, Rachel, the night before Thanksgiving and I would have begun that story describing the eggplant she brought to her scene to ram in her...
Alas I didn't get to that either. It has been a life-long journey trying to find the precise fulcrum of living a life worthy of documenting and saving enough time to make note of it, and clearly, I haven't quite mastered it still.
Last night I finally had a chance to watch Nicholas's YKF Interview of John Baku. For my non-kink readers, YKF is the podcast Your Kinky Friends hosted by my good friend Nicholas Tanek. You've seen his show before, you watched my interviews on his show (haven't you???). John Baku is the founder and CEO of Fetlife. Nicholas is a prolific creator, sadly I don't catch all of his podcasts, I'm so glad this is the one my YouTube algorithm suggested.
December 2009: 334674 I am irrationally proud that my membership # is in the low 6 digits. On occasions when I find myself pointing that out to a rude newbie tourist, I follow it up with- and I had 10 years in the scene already in 2009. So while Fetlife isn't where my D/s and kink journeys began, it holds the longest continuous stretch of it, and it very much feels like home.
John Baku did not match the prototype I held of him in my mind. Understand that Fetlife is a big place, and while it is clear that Mr. Baku is a hands-on creator, I don't know him. I'm embarrassed to share how far off my imaginary version of Mr. Baku was from the actual John Baku in the interview. The next time I encounter preconceived notions about being a Dominatrix, perhaps I'll view it as an invitation to help someone grow and not an opportunity to make a muggle cry.
I said perhaps, no promises.
Let me focus on what I loved about the interview. My timer has been reset twice, and I'm cutting into the time I allotted for getting ready for a concert tonight. If I don't finish in the next 30 minute block I'll have to reschedule picking up the magazines for the New Year's Day vision-board event I'm co-hosting. Local friends feel free to DM me for deets on that, haven't done my fair share of promoting it.
For fuck sake, focus.
What I loved; Mr. Baku came across as a completely normal, wholesome, perhaps a little bit shy man who sincerely believes people are fundamentally good. He said something to the effect of if we focused on the ways we are alike more than our differences we'd be happier. He had a mantra he shared that I hope to have a reason to share with my top before I forget it. When Nicholas asked him to share any fantasy, you could hear his hesitation to share. I know that internal debate, is this an appropriate space, a safe space to say what truly matters to me? And then he shared it, and it echoed my own. I was a little sad that he didn't seem to know how FOSTA-SESTA impacted our community, but in fairness he isn't a part of that intersection of the community. It is a sex-worker issue, if he doesn't know how Pro-Dommes and other sw's in kink are impacted, the responsibility is on us to explain it.
December 28th at 11A.M. and I haven't documented my holiday season, vanilla or kink. But it isn't quite over yet, is it? Hold your breath, I might get to it still.
And go watch YKF while you wait:
John Baku (founder/CEO of FetLife.com) - 12.2025 - Your Kinky Friends
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