Chill out, I have zero cigarettes and my heart is quite full and unbroken
It's Prince, of course.
It was hard to choose the quote, cuz he also said, Your head is underwater, I doubt that you could hear me.
Do you think it's possible to have relationships with profound depth that aren't inherently toxic?
I'm asking for a friend.
My high school boyfriend's parents were swingers. Before you get your panties in a bunch that I am outing his parents, relax, it was a different boyfriend. Also, in hindsight I realize they probably weren't swingers. I don't think they were swapping or sharing. They were probably poly before the term was coined. My grandmother may have been poly too. I know I saw her mouth kiss my Uncle Raymond, and I often had breakfast with her, Uncle Raymond and Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike was her boyfriend, Raymond was just a friend. That sometimes she kissed on the mouth, friends do that sometimes, right? I loved them both, it's really none of my business what the intersections of their relationships may have been.
However, I wish I could time travel and/or really commune with my grandmother. I'd apologize. I'd tell her I get it now and I'd beg for some insight for how to navigate multi partner relationships. As I typed that I swear I heard her. She called me that nickname you don't get to know, and she said, you kids don't know how lucky you have it. You have the whole world literally at your fingertips. Why are you bothering me for directions, figure it out.
We do. I mean that's where we came to grow this multi relationship concept. Over 20 years ago I was fangirling hard over my OD friends Silver Hawk and Darling Nikki and their poly-amorous lifestyle. They had husbands, they had girlfriends, they were boss bitches and if they didn't know then, let me confess now how in awe of them I was. As fascinated, as called to non-monogamy as I felt in 2001, it wasn't on the table for me then. Too much of my life was already outside of the norm. For so many reasons it seemed to me that adding more partners to the mix would have put the security of my little vanillas at risk. Blended, step, halves, there were too many caregivers who often had different priorities and ideas of what was best for our collective already.
Then things changed.
On my Fetlife profile I have one, and only one hard limited listed: monogamy.
I'm trying to leave in saying, when we were in Istanbul. It should be edited out. It is disrupting the flow of the story, but I need to recoup that trip. Since it didn't net my million dollar smile, I want it to be a flex in my story arc. So it stays, K?
By the window of our room in Istanbul, she said that she doesn't wish to be responsible for anyone's emotional regulation. B-I-N-G-O, sames.
I don't wish to be the primary responsible party for anyone's trauma dumping, noise, nonsense or bullshit.
But also, profound depth. I mentioned that, right? I want that. Go as deep as you can go, then gulp down a big breath and go a bit deeper, that is where I want to connect.
I don't want to talk about the weather, unless it's raining.
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