Lay where you're laying

 Don't make a sound, I know they're watching

Perhaps it is time for a new blog. A daily like Seth's. Is he not the second hottest bald man ever? No, my ex isn't the first. Yul is of course. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, the origin of my blah blah blah. 

Hardcore, punk rock, squirrel. So distractable right now, but I didn't say anything about a show with everything but or suggest that no one's head should ever be higher. 

Let's call that good editing, if you only saw what I take out. 

Daily posts, and each one would be a link to a song on Youtube. Call it Today's Vibe. Oh lightbulb, it could have a poll too. Instead of fuck, marry, kill, it could be dance, cum, meditate. 

Today's, hint above, aren't you paying attention? would be Kings of Leon, Sex on Fire. Hot as a fever, rattling bones, I could just taste it, chased it. But it's not forever, but it's just tonight, oh we're still the greatest.

Cass has to choose to meditate. I lack permission for an O and I am much too bruised to dance. How am I going to stay alert today for my 6-hour drive if I can't host a dance party in my automobile? Fuck Cass, did you think of that when you ordered the baseball bat? How about the vampire crop? Excuse me, I need to think about baseball, maybe take a cold shower. I said it above, I lack permission. Maybe the tension will help keep me awake. 

Today's agenda begins with a debate, hot tub or breakfast? If breakfast, then we must ask, here or pack first and go have something good? If I pack first Niagra definitely happens. If I linger here, I'll probably be able to schedule all of my posts for next week. When I can focus on just one squirrel, 10 hours of work can be finished in 3. 

I have a thread for a future post penned in my paper journal. It was an idea for comparing birth and kink. Not just pain, that's obvious, isn't it?  But the indignities, the beyond your control, the humiliation. You can write a birth plan, you probably should. Your care providers should respect your autonomy and your wishes. For so many reasons, some valid, some fueled by liability, and some purely ego, they might not. Your plan may not even sync up with reality, how much experience do you have with creating humans? Anyway, ask some women, I bet it skews hard away from respect for autonomy even in the best of circumstances. A scene shouldn't of course, but sometimes they do. The Kink/BDSM community strives to convey the importance of good negotiations, of active, ongoing, enthusiastic consent. This has evolved and changed in the decades I have been here. The standards, the expectations have raised considerably. And that is mostly for the best. Much like the standards for the care of birthing people changed in the decades my births took place. But the anatomy of birth has not, nor do I think the nature of the human condition has changed much if even at all, ever. 

Imagine, perhaps all of the woes of the world stem directly from Eve and Cain forming the first trauma bonds. 

While I of course take great pride in the evolution of ethics in the communities I am a part of, and while my hubris might fancy that I may have even contributed in some way; I can't help also wonder what has been lost. 

But I have a 6.5 hour drive ahead of me, and my ass is on fire. So let's pin my navel gazing of birth and kink, and return to contemplating Sex on Fire and the possibility of a new blog platform. 

All I've got is 2 Cigarettes and This Broken Heart of Mine....

Chill out, I have zero cigarettes and my heart is quite full and unbroken

It's Prince, of course. 

It was hard to choose the quote, cuz he also said, Your head is underwater, I doubt that you could hear me. 

Do you think it's possible to have relationships with profound depth that aren't inherently toxic?

I'm asking for a friend. 

My high school boyfriend's parents were swingers. Before you get your panties in a bunch that I am outing his parents, relax, it was a different boyfriend. Also, in hindsight I realize they probably weren't swingers.  I don't think they were swapping or sharing. They were probably poly before the term was coined. 

My grandmother may have been poly too. I know I saw her mouth kiss my Uncle Raymond, and I often had breakfast with her, Uncle Raymond and Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike was her boyfriend, Raymond was just a friend. That sometimes she kissed on the mouth, friends do that sometimes, right? I loved them both, it's really none of my business what the intersections of their relationships may have been. 

However, I wish I could time travel and/or really commune with my grandmother. I'd apologize. I'd tell her I get it now and I'd beg for some insight for how to navigate multi partner relationships. As I typed that I swear I heard her. She called me that nickname you don't get to know, and she said, you kids don't know how lucky you have it. You have the whole world literally at your fingertips. Why are you bothering me for directions, figure it out. 

We do. I mean that's where we came to grow this multi relationship concept. Over 20 years ago I was fangirling hard over my OD friends Silver Hawk and Darling Nikki and their poly-amorous lifestyle. They had husbands, they had girlfriends, they were boss bitches and if they didn't know then, let me confess now how in awe of them I was. As fascinated, as called to non-monogamy as I felt in 2001, it wasn't on the table for me then. Too much of my life was already outside of the norm. For so many reasons it seemed to me that adding more partners to the mix would have put the security of my little vanillas at risk. Blended, step, halves, there were  too many caregivers who often had different priorities and ideas of what was best for our collective already. 

Then things changed. 

On my Fetlife profile I have one, and only one hard limited listed: monogamy. 

I'm trying to leave in saying, when we were in Istanbul. It should be edited out. It is disrupting the flow of the story, but I need to recoup that trip. Since it didn't net my million dollar smile, I want it to be a flex in my story arc. So it stays, K?  

By the window of our room in Istanbul, she said that she doesn't wish to be responsible for anyone's emotional regulation. B-I-N-G-O, sames.

I don't wish to be the primary responsible party for anyone's trauma dumping, noise, nonsense or bullshit. 

But also, profound depth. I mentioned that, right?  I want that. Go as deep as you can go, then gulp down a big breath and go a bit deeper, that is where I want to connect. 

I don't want to talk about the weather, unless it's raining. 

If You Can Keep Your Head....

 

when all about you, 

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you  

If you can jet to Istanbul, for vanity and savings

Then come home, and double down 

Take them all out, and put new ones in

Without a word of your loss or moaning about the pain

Then you're probably a boss bitch, with 20" blades on your Impala. 

You're probably also the Queen of Dorkville, and you should just accept that not many are apt to catch your references. 

There's some financial advisor, sorry don't remember who, who I heard say the way to tell if you can truly afford something is to ask yourself if you can afford to buy two. If the first were lost, stolen, improperly installed, could you replace it without it causing havoc to your budget? 

Wait. What? Did she just say she had to have her brand-new implants taken out?  

Ya, I said it twice even. Lean-in to those things you find embarrassing, remember?  

I mean it's not quite as mortifying as that time I broke a toy off in my ass, and I have successfully reframed that story. 

But who cares, let's catch up. If I am going to stick to my commitment to write here weekly, I'm going to need some foreplay. 

Tell me where you found pleasure today. 

What made you excited? 

How are you investing in your happiness? 

Or just say hello forfucksakes.