Nothing Compares 2 U

My heart is breaking, but my tummy is snatched.

It's been 7 hours and 15 days. 

No, wait there's another line that's much closer to this moment's vibe. 

I can go out every night and sleep all day.

This weekend, while engaged in retail therapy, my lifelong very most vanilla bestie said, "...you can send me your morning nudes if you need accountability." 

How blessed am I to have such great friends? Here for my tears and my nudes.  

How much shall I share? Perhaps if I lean hard into the obscure, I could hang my soul on a laundry line in the front yard, allow it to bleach transparent by the sun's absolution, and you wouldn't notice it at all. 

Unless a cardinal got all tangled up in it. 

Oh, stop it. Honest there are no emo emus here. Miss Claudia Cream is double dog daring me to paint them red, and I'm doing the math to see if I can hook-up with Ms. Danielle in Croatia. 

It's my intention to pound my feelings out at the gym and in the dungeon every time they pipe up. My second favorite sadist turned it up and tuned me up this morning. And I am certain I can find a volunteer among my cliental to torment.    

Perhaps it's just a pause. A little nudge from the Gods to re-align and reassess my prioritizes.  I am absolutely serious when I say I'm going to start a cult, a secret society, do every outrageous thing I have I ever wished. 

Wanna hear a silly story from retail therapy? There was a section of marked down summer items, and I was looking for resort wear. I pointed out to Vanilla Bestie that it concerns me how pineapples are such a prevalent summer motif. It feels risky that the reference has become so visible it is no longer a safe secret code. To which she replied, "Oh Mr. Vanilla Bestie's Husband (Let's call him Jim for short) said that's just an urban legend." I said- Has Jim ever been to a sex party? No? Remind Jim, your bestie has hosted parties, it isn't an urban legend you silly goose. 

Speaking of parties, are we FetLife BFFs? I am once again scaling up my privacy protocols, and I will be using my Alchemy group on Fet exclusively to share my travel and event plans. Here's the current, note Croatia isn't penciled in yet: (1) Any Way the Wind Blows - Alchemy with Mistress Cassidy | FetLife 

There's a post here too: (1) Writing by MistressCassidy | FetLife

Every Time a Bell Rings

A few weeks ago, I had a session with one of my favorite clients. He proposed. It amuses me that I have had so many clients offer me their names, while my progeny must reply same when prompted with the internet's most common riddle. 

Oh, I have had many husbands, just none of them have been mine. 

Now of course when clients propose they are just being silly. If I am doing my job well, and I always am, I have coaxed their vasopressin levels to the brink of a coronary, only to throw open the oxytocin floodgates. Their offer to take an oath before God is just the grandiose nature of being intoxicated. 

My exes-of-note knew my views about marriage. They each, carefully, suggested it once or twice. Do I look like the sort of girl a man would marry? If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. More importantly, why would I wish to participate in such an outdated, and barbaric tradition rooted in ownership and possession?  

Yet ask me what my tattoo symbolizes. 

There was a bridal party at the spa during my recent getaway. When it became clear I wouldn’t find my Zen amid their enthusiastic planning for The Big Day—loudly unfolding by the aqua terrace—I chose instead to quietly observe. A woman around my age, likely the mother of the bride, or maybe an aunt or Godmother, encouraged the bride-to-be to indulge. “It’s your day,” she said. “You’re the princess.”

Just for one day, poor thing. 

There was a time when the idea of being the princess for a day held a certain appeal. An ex of some significance—he’s been mentioned here before, if you’re keeping score—once dared me to marry him. He looked so silly backpedaling when I showed up in white. Double dog dare. It would have made such a cool story, if he had been just a little braver. He confessed recently that his mother still reminds him—thirty years later—that he made a mistake. I’ve always loved her too much to cast her as the evil mother-in-law. Maybe that’s why that path veered when it did.

Truth be told, I’ve never understood marriage.

As a young adult, I’d listen to friends explain why it mattered to them. I found a kind of curiosity in what they shared—like hearing someone describe a faith I didn’t share. I have my own beliefs. You’re unlikely to convert me. But I’m always interested in peeking through the lens someone else uses to frame their world. Yet as I’ve grown older, when someone staunchly defends marriage—or monogamy—it sounds like they’re telling me they still believe in Santa Claus. Scratch that. I think I might actually have more respect for someone who believes in the magic of the Christmas spirit. At least that has a touch of whimsy. But telling me—with a straight face—that you’re betting your immortal soul on finding one person, and only one person, interesting until the day you die… and that they’ll feel the same about you? That you will enjoy that, find it fulfilling, and that it will keep the love you have today alive and thriving. You can't really mean that, can you?

Of course, if you say it's for health insurance, that I understand.

I’ve been told that makes me jaded. That I don’t believe in love. But that’s not accurate at all.

I believe in connection so deep it bypasses reason. In protocols negotiated, not assumed. In power exchanged not with a ring, but with a look, a gesture, a whispered command.

I’ve had men try to give me their name—as if it were a prize. 

But I was never interested in what they had to offer.

So you can keep your name.
I’ll take your soul.

Dinner with Raymond K. Hessel

If while you were waiting for the results from an x-ray, you got a call with the results from your biopsies, you probably wouldn't even mind that you fractured your wrist. 

It occurs to me that the statement probably would apply regardless of the specifics of the results. For me though, on this timeline, my doctor said, "It's OK. Not malignant. Some inflammation- probably an infection. Follow up with your primary." 

I said, I love you. To the radiologist on the phone, and the PA who diagnosed the fracture. 

Then I made lunch for Raymond and me. And I've done my best to linger here- in the frequency of gratitude. 

Should I stop here? The story is complete. I could check this last item off today's list. I could go to bed satiated. 

Or should I try again to tie it to the other story? 

I was a guest on Your Kinky Friends last weekend. The topic was lifestyle verses professional Dommes, and the misconceptions about each. When I saw the topic on my invite, I was so excited I decided that I could ignore the throb in my wrist and get past the fact that I couldn't really brush my hair or apply my makeup well. Pain and vanity be damned, this is a subject I can get excited about, I have things to say here. Then I went on the show, and I couldn't find my rhythm. I couldn't find the words for what I wanted to say, my voice caught, my dog barked. Nicholas is a great friend and a gracious host. I should have watched the show while icing my wrist and just asked if he'd be interested in doing a part two when I was more healed.  

It's a great topic. As I imagine you must know already, I am a professional Domme. But perhaps you wouldn't know this is also my lifestyle. I consider myself a 24/7, 365 Top, in addition to being my Top's 24/7, long distance but TPE sub. Well in theory anyway, but that's veering off track. Pin it, perhaps will circle back to that in another post. Let's keep this just about the different hats I wear as a Domme. 

Actually, my wrist is starting to throb again. I have been tapping these keys and backspacing for over an hour. Before I find myself again wishing I had waited until I felt better, let's pin all of it.  Let's make a plan to come back really soon, and in the meantime, you could leave me a comment with your ideas or questions about professional verses lifestyle kink.